Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
The latest update. Long...
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="CrazyinVA" data-source="post: 321877" data-attributes="member: 1157"><p>Thank you all. Last night was really tough. This morning, I feel slightly better, but the tears are just beneath the surface. I'm glad we'll probably close early at work today. </p><p></p><p>I do think that the references to the pastor are manipulative and exaggerated. He saw her in the hospital last week, and she gave him her spiel, and called me to say he thought I was selfish, mixed up friends with family, was probably afraid to die alone, yada yada yada. I suspect that in his attempts to make her feel better, he said some things that she blew wildly out of context. We've known this man for years, he knows all the history. He and I do disagree on things and I do think that he can be judgmental, particularly for a pastor, but I also think that given both sides of a situation, he is a reasonable man. Last week I suggested we meet with him together, she didn't respond. When we're speaking again, I'll suggest it again. </p><p></p><p>A friend pointed out to me that her behavior last night is exactly what her ex-boyfriend (very abusive, physically, verbally, emotinoally) used to do to her back when they were together, the barrage of text messages and phonecalls when he didn't get his way. Very interesting. </p><p></p><p>It's going to be very difficult for me not to reach out, especially because of Thanksgiving (I have a turkey and tons of food to cook.. don't even know now if they're coming over?!) I'm also a "fixer" .. I can't stand to let "the sun go down on anger" etc... I want things to be smoothed over quickly, or to at least open up a dialogue quickly. The trick is to not let that dialogue be at my expense. I will probably send a voice mail, email, something tonight to invite to Thanksgiving again... because that feels right to me... but will also steel myself for the possibility that they won't be here. The good news is, I have two different Thanksgiving feasts I can attend so I won't be alone.. friends that have opened their homes to people without family in town. Of course, Oldest may come over still, we'll see, unless she decides to join the "we hate mom" bandwagon for now. </p><p></p><p>I will say this re the texts: the only positive is that I have documentation of the abusive, manipulative behavior. I typed them up from my phone inbox .. which is how I pasted them here (and in my online journal) Someone else wrote about this recently .. in the heat of the moment when words are spoken, it's too easy to forget what was said, with texts/emails, I 'll never forget. Not in order to dwell on the words and actions, mind you, but to go back and remind myself of (1) what NOT to tolerate or, (2) how far things have come when they *do* get better. That perspective has helped me in the past. This is why I journal, also, it's documentation of everything that has happened to me and my children since 2002. A heck of a story, really.</p><p></p><p>Thanks, again. I may be here more often than I've been in the past, because your words of wisdom really do help keep me strong in this. I'm so glad you're here, even if it also makes me sad that your understanding has come through your own pain and epxerience.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="CrazyinVA, post: 321877, member: 1157"] Thank you all. Last night was really tough. This morning, I feel slightly better, but the tears are just beneath the surface. I'm glad we'll probably close early at work today. I do think that the references to the pastor are manipulative and exaggerated. He saw her in the hospital last week, and she gave him her spiel, and called me to say he thought I was selfish, mixed up friends with family, was probably afraid to die alone, yada yada yada. I suspect that in his attempts to make her feel better, he said some things that she blew wildly out of context. We've known this man for years, he knows all the history. He and I do disagree on things and I do think that he can be judgmental, particularly for a pastor, but I also think that given both sides of a situation, he is a reasonable man. Last week I suggested we meet with him together, she didn't respond. When we're speaking again, I'll suggest it again. A friend pointed out to me that her behavior last night is exactly what her ex-boyfriend (very abusive, physically, verbally, emotinoally) used to do to her back when they were together, the barrage of text messages and phonecalls when he didn't get his way. Very interesting. It's going to be very difficult for me not to reach out, especially because of Thanksgiving (I have a turkey and tons of food to cook.. don't even know now if they're coming over?!) I'm also a "fixer" .. I can't stand to let "the sun go down on anger" etc... I want things to be smoothed over quickly, or to at least open up a dialogue quickly. The trick is to not let that dialogue be at my expense. I will probably send a voice mail, email, something tonight to invite to Thanksgiving again... because that feels right to me... but will also steel myself for the possibility that they won't be here. The good news is, I have two different Thanksgiving feasts I can attend so I won't be alone.. friends that have opened their homes to people without family in town. Of course, Oldest may come over still, we'll see, unless she decides to join the "we hate mom" bandwagon for now. I will say this re the texts: the only positive is that I have documentation of the abusive, manipulative behavior. I typed them up from my phone inbox .. which is how I pasted them here (and in my online journal) Someone else wrote about this recently .. in the heat of the moment when words are spoken, it's too easy to forget what was said, with texts/emails, I 'll never forget. Not in order to dwell on the words and actions, mind you, but to go back and remind myself of (1) what NOT to tolerate or, (2) how far things have come when they *do* get better. That perspective has helped me in the past. This is why I journal, also, it's documentation of everything that has happened to me and my children since 2002. A heck of a story, really. Thanks, again. I may be here more often than I've been in the past, because your words of wisdom really do help keep me strong in this. I'm so glad you're here, even if it also makes me sad that your understanding has come through your own pain and epxerience. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
The latest update. Long...
Top