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Substance Abuse
The "Monkey Trap"....
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<blockquote data-quote="Mikey" data-source="post: 35314" data-attributes="member: 3579"><p><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Why Pain has to be the number one motivator is a mystery to me! Why can't we be motivated by Joy, or Hope, or even Fear? But no, at least for this addict, Pain is the number one motivator.</div></div></p><p></p><p>In teens, it's probably because they don't yet know what true joy or happiness is, so they can't value them enough to pursue. Pain is something they know, though, learned from a young age as something to avoid. Fear can also be learned pretty quick (usually through pain or threat of pain), but unless it's reinforced the fear diminishes.</p><p></p><p>Hope, joy, happiness? These are also things that have to be experienced in depth and reinforced to be understood - and valued. </p><p></p><p>And while I believe most parents work hard to provide a home life of joy and happiness for their kids, I also think most kids take it for granted, and don't understand what they have until it's gone. So, they may "experience" happiness and joy, but they don't understand or value it, so it isn't a motivator for them. It's just something they expect to be there, part of the background like a chair or dinner on the table.</p><p></p><p>Funny story on this: my older son is in AP English, and at Fall orientation last year his teacher spent 5 minutes discussing the class, and the remaining time exhorting us parents to "get our kids out of the house as soon as they graduate for at least a year". Her feeling is that the only way our kids will value what they have at home is to do without it, as soon as is legally possible.</p><p></p><p>Interesting idea, if not completely feasible for all students. And the sad thing is that for some (most?) of our difficult child's with other psychiatric/behavioral issues, they may never be able to fully value positive motivators, and will only respond to negative motiviators or those things that bring immediate gratification. </p><p></p><p>But back to the topic: I also think the long learning time needed to actually value joy, happiness, and peace may be why so many people have a "mid-life crisis". Early in life, people are motivated by more immediate feelings - pain, fun, excitement, etc.. Eventually, though, they get to a point in their lives where they understand joy and happiness and peace - or at least feel that these things are missing in their lives. At that point, they're willing to make a life change to pursue those goals.</p><p></p><p>Just my two pennies worth.</p><p></p><p>Mikey</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mikey, post: 35314, member: 3579"] <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Why Pain has to be the number one motivator is a mystery to me! Why can't we be motivated by Joy, or Hope, or even Fear? But no, at least for this addict, Pain is the number one motivator.</div></div> In teens, it's probably because they don't yet know what true joy or happiness is, so they can't value them enough to pursue. Pain is something they know, though, learned from a young age as something to avoid. Fear can also be learned pretty quick (usually through pain or threat of pain), but unless it's reinforced the fear diminishes. Hope, joy, happiness? These are also things that have to be experienced in depth and reinforced to be understood - and valued. And while I believe most parents work hard to provide a home life of joy and happiness for their kids, I also think most kids take it for granted, and don't understand what they have until it's gone. So, they may "experience" happiness and joy, but they don't understand or value it, so it isn't a motivator for them. It's just something they expect to be there, part of the background like a chair or dinner on the table. Funny story on this: my older son is in AP English, and at Fall orientation last year his teacher spent 5 minutes discussing the class, and the remaining time exhorting us parents to "get our kids out of the house as soon as they graduate for at least a year". Her feeling is that the only way our kids will value what they have at home is to do without it, as soon as is legally possible. Interesting idea, if not completely feasible for all students. And the sad thing is that for some (most?) of our difficult child's with other psychiatric/behavioral issues, they may never be able to fully value positive motivators, and will only respond to negative motiviators or those things that bring immediate gratification. But back to the topic: I also think the long learning time needed to actually value joy, happiness, and peace may be why so many people have a "mid-life crisis". Early in life, people are motivated by more immediate feelings - pain, fun, excitement, etc.. Eventually, though, they get to a point in their lives where they understand joy and happiness and peace - or at least feel that these things are missing in their lives. At that point, they're willing to make a life change to pursue those goals. Just my two pennies worth. Mikey [/QUOTE]
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