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<blockquote data-quote="fedup" data-source="post: 15297" data-attributes="member: 17"><p>difficult child knows the score here. Don't get me wrong. The reason he told me "what's going on" is that he knew hubby was skipping out on the truth. And, I knew hubby was being secretive before difficult child gave me the information. In other words, the 'anger' (and that is probably too strong a word), predated the actual knowing the secret.</p><p></p><p>The fact is, hubby and I will not be on the same page, no matter how much we try. We just see things much differently. Hubby does not relate to the idea of enabling, which, when it comes down to it, is what he is doing.</p><p></p><p>I don't think I am angry about the triangulation, as I was impressed that difficult child saw reason to tell me what was going on.</p><p></p><p>Hubby does not walk his talk. We havev been married 35+ years, and it is going downhill for me. Financial infidelity is the worst of its kind. The, spread a heavy layer of hubby and I not agreeing on spending/saving. Add the salad- hubby doesn't believe I know how to handle money, or that I am good at it, and what I say doesn't hold water. Here, we have created the sandwich of money angst, constant barbs and bickering. I try to pay off bills; hubby spends what we really don't have. He won't listen to me. So, I save part of my own pay, and do the best I can with bills. We don't get behind, but we aren't getting any further ahead, either. Hubby won't agree to counseling.</p><p></p><p>I read a story today about how to judge whether to file bankruptcy or not. It was interesting. But, when I came to the part where it stated that if you can't realisitically pay off the bills during a 5 year period, that is the time to consider bankruptcy, My stomach dropped. If things remain as they are, I can pay bills in my name only off in that period. However, if hubby were to try to reach that goal, I honestly don't think it would be possible.</p><p></p><p>So, I am off for a trip to the south, and will have much time to ruminate over recent events. Will I come up with viable solutions?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="fedup, post: 15297, member: 17"] difficult child knows the score here. Don't get me wrong. The reason he told me "what's going on" is that he knew hubby was skipping out on the truth. And, I knew hubby was being secretive before difficult child gave me the information. In other words, the 'anger' (and that is probably too strong a word), predated the actual knowing the secret. The fact is, hubby and I will not be on the same page, no matter how much we try. We just see things much differently. Hubby does not relate to the idea of enabling, which, when it comes down to it, is what he is doing. I don't think I am angry about the triangulation, as I was impressed that difficult child saw reason to tell me what was going on. Hubby does not walk his talk. We havev been married 35+ years, and it is going downhill for me. Financial infidelity is the worst of its kind. The, spread a heavy layer of hubby and I not agreeing on spending/saving. Add the salad- hubby doesn't believe I know how to handle money, or that I am good at it, and what I say doesn't hold water. Here, we have created the sandwich of money angst, constant barbs and bickering. I try to pay off bills; hubby spends what we really don't have. He won't listen to me. So, I save part of my own pay, and do the best I can with bills. We don't get behind, but we aren't getting any further ahead, either. Hubby won't agree to counseling. I read a story today about how to judge whether to file bankruptcy or not. It was interesting. But, when I came to the part where it stated that if you can't realisitically pay off the bills during a 5 year period, that is the time to consider bankruptcy, My stomach dropped. If things remain as they are, I can pay bills in my name only off in that period. However, if hubby were to try to reach that goal, I honestly don't think it would be possible. So, I am off for a trip to the south, and will have much time to ruminate over recent events. Will I come up with viable solutions? [/QUOTE]
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