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Lil, I knew he wouldn't keep the job. That was why I was, whether I posted it or not, quite sure you were out the money. He is not acting like a young adult who wants to grow up. He is not really changing at all. He is doing same ole/same ole/mom will save me. If he were going to change you'd see a vast attitude difference in him. He'd probably want to get some schooling, and be serious about it, so he could do more in life than flip burgers. He would also start asserting his own independence: "I can do it, Mom. You don't have to do it for me." At least, this is what all of my kids, except 37, would say to me and well before age eighteen.


I am sorry this happened. Maybe this is a good time to read up on radical acceptance and maybe it's the time to start realizing that your son is who he is and you can't change him. Only he can change himself. Nobody can motivate him but himself. Now I just hope he stays in the rental and doesn't leave it or let a bunch of unsavory people hang out there. There seems to be a pattern to difficult children that I've noticed through the years. They are very predictable. Trust me, your son could have found places to eat every day. He knows where to go for food. He's just used to you letting him do it the easy way.


My guess about his firing: He overslept, didn't call in. Do I think he uses drugs? Yes, I have always thought so. Which drugs? I have no idea. Maybe synthetic pot, or maybe more.Something that zaps him of his motivation and energy and makes him tired.


I hope I'm 100% wrong about everything.


One thing I know I'm right about is that you and Jabber are such a great couple. It would help your health and well being a lot to learn detachment skills and to just enjoy one another for once...your great relationship...the blessing of your wonderful family, which you know all of us don't have. You have a lot of blessings. Embrace them. You can have a good life even if your son is struggling.


I'm sorry you had to go through it, like so many of the rest of us. Many difficult children seem to get jobs and lose them faster than we can wrap our minds around them actually getting a paycheck that often never comes.


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