Lil & Jabber,
"Problem is, until he actually goes to a psychiatrist and gets a diagnosis we wont know"
Sadly, even if he did you still wouldn't know. My difficult child has been to a multitude of psychiatrists, therapists, counselors, etc. and she gets a different diagnosis each time. We call it the diagnosis of the month.
I haven't read all of the other responses but I agree that addiction trumps all of the other issues. We sent our difficult child to a three month dual diagnosis program to treat the mental illness and addiction issues at the same time. Sadly, sixty-thousand dollars later, she wasn't "fixed."
You are just starting a very hard journey. There seems to be a pattern that we all follow. Kick them out, take them back, kick them out and pay for housing, get burned on paying for the housing when they won't keep a job and pay for the rent and trash the place, take them back when they swear things will be different, kick them out again when they exhibit the same old behaviors. Rinse and repeat. Over and over again.
Until you finally have enough. In our case it took ten years. I was determined to find the right program, the right doctor, the right treatment center until I fixed her. If it is out there, I never found it.
I have finally come to the realization that my difficult child won't be fixed until she wants to be. For whatever reason, she wants to continue this mess of a life and I am going to let her do that. In the meantime, through the help of a therapist, I have taken back my own life. I know now that it is okay to let her fall and fend for herself and that it is also okay for me to have joy and purpose in my life despite what happens in hers.
You will both get there but it will probably be at different times. My husband is still trying to get her into another treatment program. To his credit, he has gotten to where he is refusing to give her any money despite her crying wolf over and over about not having food to eat or a place to stay. Miraculously, she has yet to starve to death or sleep on the streets (although she has lied that she has slept on the streets).
Stay strong.
~Kathy
