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<blockquote data-quote="Bunny" data-source="post: 477661"><p>Janet, to say that this is driving me batty would be the understatement of the year! LOL!!</p><p></p><p>The therapist told him that the phrase "you don't love me" is unproductive because it is hurtful towards me and that it makes me angry to hear it because, obviously, I have a different view of things. What he told him to say instead is "I'm not feeling loved right now because..." He's trying to get him to focus on the present rather than continue to be stuck on the past. </p><p></p><p>This morning he was getting ready for school and he fell back to sleep. I had gone upstairs to get easy child up and I realized that I heard no noise coming from difficult child's room. I woke him up and said to him that he had not gotten dressed. Well, he was all befuddled. He had a headache. Now he's going to be late and he can't go to school. The only things he had to do was get dressed, brush his teeth and put his shoes on, and he had 25 minutes in which to do it. Lots of time! I told him that he had to go because he missed a day of school last week. I told him to calm down, that I would go and get him some Advil for his headache while he picked out some clothes. I was going downstairs and he came to the top of the stairs, tears welling up in his eyes, saying, "But mom...." I came back up, sort of cupped his face with my hand, and quietly said, "Shhhhhhh...it's going to be fine. I promise." So, he got dressed, came downstairs, had something quick to eat, and still had 10 minutes before he had to leave. I sat with him for those 10 minutes and talked to him. When it was time for him to leave he was putting his coat on and I don't remember what I said to him, something like, "See? I knew you would be able to make it on time. I would never lie to you about something like that." His response was "You might, because you don't love me." (Insert silent scream now!) I reminded him what the therapist said about that phrase and he said that he didn't know what he was supposed to say. I said to him, "Why are you feeling unloved right now? What happened this morning that you feel unloved now?" He said that he didn't know, and he didn't see why it mattered. Then he left for the bus stop.</p><p></p><p>This is going to be a VERY long process, I think, and unless we can get him to admit that maybe, just maybe, I really do love him, it might all be for naught. He has to be the one who is willing to change his thinking. No one can do that for him.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Bunny, post: 477661"] Janet, to say that this is driving me batty would be the understatement of the year! LOL!! The therapist told him that the phrase "you don't love me" is unproductive because it is hurtful towards me and that it makes me angry to hear it because, obviously, I have a different view of things. What he told him to say instead is "I'm not feeling loved right now because..." He's trying to get him to focus on the present rather than continue to be stuck on the past. This morning he was getting ready for school and he fell back to sleep. I had gone upstairs to get easy child up and I realized that I heard no noise coming from difficult child's room. I woke him up and said to him that he had not gotten dressed. Well, he was all befuddled. He had a headache. Now he's going to be late and he can't go to school. The only things he had to do was get dressed, brush his teeth and put his shoes on, and he had 25 minutes in which to do it. Lots of time! I told him that he had to go because he missed a day of school last week. I told him to calm down, that I would go and get him some Advil for his headache while he picked out some clothes. I was going downstairs and he came to the top of the stairs, tears welling up in his eyes, saying, "But mom...." I came back up, sort of cupped his face with my hand, and quietly said, "Shhhhhhh...it's going to be fine. I promise." So, he got dressed, came downstairs, had something quick to eat, and still had 10 minutes before he had to leave. I sat with him for those 10 minutes and talked to him. When it was time for him to leave he was putting his coat on and I don't remember what I said to him, something like, "See? I knew you would be able to make it on time. I would never lie to you about something like that." His response was "You might, because you don't love me." (Insert silent scream now!) I reminded him what the therapist said about that phrase and he said that he didn't know what he was supposed to say. I said to him, "Why are you feeling unloved right now? What happened this morning that you feel unloved now?" He said that he didn't know, and he didn't see why it mattered. Then he left for the bus stop. This is going to be a VERY long process, I think, and unless we can get him to admit that maybe, just maybe, I really do love him, it might all be for naught. He has to be the one who is willing to change his thinking. No one can do that for him. [/QUOTE]
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