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<blockquote data-quote="keista" data-source="post: 477684" data-attributes="member: 11965"><p>WOW.</p><p></p><p>To say he is stuck is an understatement. Has he always done this or is this a "recent" development? I use the term recent loosely. 1 year, 2 years, 3? Or as long as you can remember? Yes, he's claiming you haven't loved him since he was five, but has he been saying this since that time? My gut is just saying that he heard or saw or learned something about love - even an off handed comment, and is just really stuck on that, but not fully understanding how multifaceted love really is.</p><p></p><p>In addition to the log I mentioned above, you can make a log of how much time difficult child gives you and other members of the family. Compare with him to your "time given" logs.</p><p></p><p>I'm thinking that you're going to need visual charts defining what love is. If you don't have room for a big wall chart, dedicate a notebook just to this. Sit down with difficult child, and have him define how he thinks a parent should show love. Have him define how a child should show love. EVERY time he says that you don't, ask how he thinks you should have acted to show that you do.</p><p></p><p>The thing I find really strange about your difficult child is that it's always "you don't love me". This is a really hard statement to prove or disprove. Does he every mix in the more typical "you hate me"? in my opinion that one is a bit easier to deal with even though the kid's perception is a bit warped - because they were grounded, or punished, or denied something in some way, they equate that with hate. Maybe because they really do or maybe because they are practicing emotional manipulation.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="keista, post: 477684, member: 11965"] WOW. To say he is stuck is an understatement. Has he always done this or is this a "recent" development? I use the term recent loosely. 1 year, 2 years, 3? Or as long as you can remember? Yes, he's claiming you haven't loved him since he was five, but has he been saying this since that time? My gut is just saying that he heard or saw or learned something about love - even an off handed comment, and is just really stuck on that, but not fully understanding how multifaceted love really is. In addition to the log I mentioned above, you can make a log of how much time difficult child gives you and other members of the family. Compare with him to your "time given" logs. I'm thinking that you're going to need visual charts defining what love is. If you don't have room for a big wall chart, dedicate a notebook just to this. Sit down with difficult child, and have him define how he thinks a parent should show love. Have him define how a child should show love. EVERY time he says that you don't, ask how he thinks you should have acted to show that you do. The thing I find really strange about your difficult child is that it's always "you don't love me". This is a really hard statement to prove or disprove. Does he every mix in the more typical "you hate me"? in my opinion that one is a bit easier to deal with even though the kid's perception is a bit warped - because they were grounded, or punished, or denied something in some way, they equate that with hate. Maybe because they really do or maybe because they are practicing emotional manipulation. [/QUOTE]
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