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The stupid ex!
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<blockquote data-quote="Ropefree" data-source="post: 222068" data-attributes="member: 6271"><p>JLady: I am assuming that the x does not initiate and structure contact via visitation as he has not seen his son "for months". As the child is the one who did so and is being refered to as "a zombie" invalidating the child, invalidating the care he is recieving, invalidating the actions that are in place for the needs your child does have and the child is asking you to intervene : go pick up your child and do everything to make the rest of the time a pleasant time for your child at home where his sucess is important,validated, meaningful.</p><p>Some of the best advise I recieved was "Do not let him hurt your child".</p><p>Rejection and critism from a uninvolved father of a child is hurt to the child.</p><p>I was turning myself inside out trying to forfill my childs wish for his fathers attention and what the effort really did was place my child in front of a man who was rejecting him over and over and over. He never agreed to visitation </p><p>he never planned to visit, and to this day he blames me. I get calls from his family and they attribute his non-involvement to me. When I describe what did transpire they say what he has said for over twenty + years that I have known him ie"that is the past"...it is also my experiace. At some point as an adult it is 'my problem' if I persistantly involve a child in a reluctant unaccountable and indifferant adults pattern that is hurting my child. Yes as and adult I will be defending my position perhaps to the end of time, however,</p><p>I am an adult and I do know better than to place my child into harms way.</p><p>I have the power. </p><p>If the man calls and asks you can invite him to read up on the matter conserning his child 200 miles away that he rarely sees. He can take a parenting class to learn what it is that people do do as parents. </p><p>I would insist if it comes to it that he have supervised visitation with a parent</p><p>in the child developemnet feild and/or child and family psycologist with oodles of experiance...this way the childs needs are being looked after while the </p><p>man is tutored and oppertuned to direct whatever attention he is offering in an appropriate manner.</p><p>It is very painful to watch. It is heartbreaking as a mother to see how a father will miss the boat and draw shark into the water. It is their kid too, I know, but </p><p>perpetuation of life was given to women and the global reality is males are </p><p>capricious, abandon their families, and use less of their brains.</p><p>Good ones out there know what I am talking about here.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Ropefree, post: 222068, member: 6271"] JLady: I am assuming that the x does not initiate and structure contact via visitation as he has not seen his son "for months". As the child is the one who did so and is being refered to as "a zombie" invalidating the child, invalidating the care he is recieving, invalidating the actions that are in place for the needs your child does have and the child is asking you to intervene : go pick up your child and do everything to make the rest of the time a pleasant time for your child at home where his sucess is important,validated, meaningful. Some of the best advise I recieved was "Do not let him hurt your child". Rejection and critism from a uninvolved father of a child is hurt to the child. I was turning myself inside out trying to forfill my childs wish for his fathers attention and what the effort really did was place my child in front of a man who was rejecting him over and over and over. He never agreed to visitation he never planned to visit, and to this day he blames me. I get calls from his family and they attribute his non-involvement to me. When I describe what did transpire they say what he has said for over twenty + years that I have known him ie"that is the past"...it is also my experiace. At some point as an adult it is 'my problem' if I persistantly involve a child in a reluctant unaccountable and indifferant adults pattern that is hurting my child. Yes as and adult I will be defending my position perhaps to the end of time, however, I am an adult and I do know better than to place my child into harms way. I have the power. If the man calls and asks you can invite him to read up on the matter conserning his child 200 miles away that he rarely sees. He can take a parenting class to learn what it is that people do do as parents. I would insist if it comes to it that he have supervised visitation with a parent in the child developemnet feild and/or child and family psycologist with oodles of experiance...this way the childs needs are being looked after while the man is tutored and oppertuned to direct whatever attention he is offering in an appropriate manner. It is very painful to watch. It is heartbreaking as a mother to see how a father will miss the boat and draw shark into the water. It is their kid too, I know, but perpetuation of life was given to women and the global reality is males are capricious, abandon their families, and use less of their brains. Good ones out there know what I am talking about here. [/QUOTE]
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