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The waiting game
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 609353" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Paighton, welcome. I am so sorry for the issues you are dealing with with your son. I certainly understand your heartbreak and worry. </p><p></p><p>Since I have been in this world of adult kids who present us parents with these dramatic episodes, I have learned that the best first step in negotiating this territory is for US to get as much support as we can. Your son may have been molested and certainly has issues and unfortunately at his age, you can do little until he is ready to receive help. Your guilt over not taking him when he was younger is a normal response, however in the long run, that same guilt usually keeps us stuck in enabling our kids.</p><p></p><p>NAMI which is the National Alliance on Mental Illness is a wonderful resource which can provide you with support for YOU and your fiance as well as give you resources for your son. They can be accessed online, they have chapters all over and offer terrific courses for parents.</p><p></p><p>In order to be able to cope with all that is happening to your son and find a way to live your life as this all transpires, it becomes necessary, in my experience and in my opinion, to get as much support for yourself as possible. This is a treacherous landscape and most of us parents are ill equipped to negotiate it without support. Professional support through NAMI, or a therapist or a support group specifically for parents of kids with mental illness will make a HUGE difference in not only how you travel through this, but how you can find some peace in the midst of all of it as well as give you the best options for how to deal with your son.</p><p></p><p>The most difficult part of this is the utter powerlessness we feel. The guilt, fear, anger, sorrow, disappointment, resentment and lack of control is like a tsunami of epic proportions which can take over our lives.............so it becomes absolutely necessary for us to build our strength, find our own support system to learn how to ride this wave effectively and to find our own joy, our balance and our peace of mind.</p><p></p><p>Each day make an attempt to do something kind for yourself. Keep yourself well supported. Continue to post here and receive not only support from us, but empathy because we have been there. Do everything you can for YOU and that will be the best possible help you can provide for your son because you will make much better choices for everyone concerned when you are well supported and have the internal strength, balance and courage necessary. Wishing you peace.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 609353, member: 13542"] Paighton, welcome. I am so sorry for the issues you are dealing with with your son. I certainly understand your heartbreak and worry. Since I have been in this world of adult kids who present us parents with these dramatic episodes, I have learned that the best first step in negotiating this territory is for US to get as much support as we can. Your son may have been molested and certainly has issues and unfortunately at his age, you can do little until he is ready to receive help. Your guilt over not taking him when he was younger is a normal response, however in the long run, that same guilt usually keeps us stuck in enabling our kids. NAMI which is the National Alliance on Mental Illness is a wonderful resource which can provide you with support for YOU and your fiance as well as give you resources for your son. They can be accessed online, they have chapters all over and offer terrific courses for parents. In order to be able to cope with all that is happening to your son and find a way to live your life as this all transpires, it becomes necessary, in my experience and in my opinion, to get as much support for yourself as possible. This is a treacherous landscape and most of us parents are ill equipped to negotiate it without support. Professional support through NAMI, or a therapist or a support group specifically for parents of kids with mental illness will make a HUGE difference in not only how you travel through this, but how you can find some peace in the midst of all of it as well as give you the best options for how to deal with your son. The most difficult part of this is the utter powerlessness we feel. The guilt, fear, anger, sorrow, disappointment, resentment and lack of control is like a tsunami of epic proportions which can take over our lives.............so it becomes absolutely necessary for us to build our strength, find our own support system to learn how to ride this wave effectively and to find our own joy, our balance and our peace of mind. Each day make an attempt to do something kind for yourself. Keep yourself well supported. Continue to post here and receive not only support from us, but empathy because we have been there. Do everything you can for YOU and that will be the best possible help you can provide for your son because you will make much better choices for everyone concerned when you are well supported and have the internal strength, balance and courage necessary. Wishing you peace. [/QUOTE]
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