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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 753328" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I reread the original posts, I think they were from September. I agree. All of this seems contradictory.</p><p></p><p>Let me explain a bit.</p><p></p><p>I don't think it's intruding to have a voice. I don't think it's controlling or manipulative to have boundaries. To say to your daughter, <em>I don't feel comfortable being involved with this therapist,</em> is your right to say and to follow through in every way.</p><p></p><p>Just as it's wrong for our children to manipulate us, it's wrong to manipulate our kids. By manipulating I mean sneaky and indirect. It means to do this, to influence that. Hidden. To go to work to avoid conflict with your daughter, and to be unavailable to give rides, in order that you do not have to confront her directly empowers your daughter to continue doing exactly what she does, which is to split and triangulate.</p><p></p><p>I think you can say what you feel and think and bow out of the whole thing. I think that's clear cut and in my way of thinking not wrong. Some people would say that it would be manipulative to NOT drive her. But I think otherwise. I think you would be going against your very clear sense that something is very, very wrong with this woman, if you assisted your daughter to get to those appointments.</p><p></p><p>Letting your daughter do what she wants to do, and getting out of the way, not intruding in her decision making, does not mean you surrender to the situation. It is entirely consistent with the idea you talk about, <em>I'm powerless. </em></p><p></p><p><em>When you spoke up on RN"s thread, you told your truth.</em> You don't know RN. You have no role in or authority in her family. To decide anything. Yet you believed your integrity demanded you speak up according to what you know deep in your bones, via your experience and belief system. Why would you abdicate this voice in your own family? I don't see why.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 753328, member: 18958"] I reread the original posts, I think they were from September. I agree. All of this seems contradictory. Let me explain a bit. I don't think it's intruding to have a voice. I don't think it's controlling or manipulative to have boundaries. To say to your daughter, [I]I don't feel comfortable being involved with this therapist,[/I] is your right to say and to follow through in every way. Just as it's wrong for our children to manipulate us, it's wrong to manipulate our kids. By manipulating I mean sneaky and indirect. It means to do this, to influence that. Hidden. To go to work to avoid conflict with your daughter, and to be unavailable to give rides, in order that you do not have to confront her directly empowers your daughter to continue doing exactly what she does, which is to split and triangulate. I think you can say what you feel and think and bow out of the whole thing. I think that's clear cut and in my way of thinking not wrong. Some people would say that it would be manipulative to NOT drive her. But I think otherwise. I think you would be going against your very clear sense that something is very, very wrong with this woman, if you assisted your daughter to get to those appointments. Letting your daughter do what she wants to do, and getting out of the way, not intruding in her decision making, does not mean you surrender to the situation. It is entirely consistent with the idea you talk about, [I]I'm powerless. [/I] [I]When you spoke up on RN"s thread, you told your truth.[/I] You don't know RN. You have no role in or authority in her family. To decide anything. Yet you believed your integrity demanded you speak up according to what you know deep in your bones, via your experience and belief system. Why would you abdicate this voice in your own family? I don't see why. [/QUOTE]
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