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<blockquote data-quote="WiseChoices" data-source="post: 753331" data-attributes="member: 24254"><p>Yes! This rings very, very true! I am always so terribly afraid of being controlling that I instead allow anything and everything. Since control is my character defect and I wish to be free of it, I have silenced my own voice in some cases. This is wrong. I am entitled to my own opinion. I am allowed to voice this opinion. My daughter will say I am unsupportive. She will say I am controlling. And I mustn't care. </p><p></p><p>I am to the point that I dread seeing a message from her. This let's me know I am giving her control over my emotions. Before I left for my trip, when I hugged her good-bye, I said I love you and she did not say it back .has not said it in messages the way she used to even when I say it. I am so insecure and hurt and afraid around her all the time. </p><p></p><p>You are right: Al-Anon teaches me to use my voice when it is important to do so. I cannot support an unethical therapist . This therapist is part of the reason why I am insecure as a Mother even though I do not wish to assign blame. I am responsible for myself. But in every case, she sided with the kids. I was always "too hard" , too this, to that. I got to where I ran every decision by this woman. And where my kids would summon me to see the therapist to discuss decisions I was making for them. </p><p></p><p>I am a Ball of fear and anxiety .I need to come out of the corner and access the power that flows inside of me. I can't be scared of my daughter , her wrath, her disapproval of me, her withdrawel of affection (I am not allowed to hug her anymore and when I forget and reach out to her because she is crying or something, she recoils), her withdrawal of love . The truth is all of those things have already happened. </p><p></p><p>What I have left is me. My integrity. And I need to act from that place of integrity and strength. I hide how I feel a lot around her still - for fear of judgement. If I were my own sponsee, I would say connect to your power that is God-given and adjust your crown .Don't be afraid of the feelings of other people. They are not your business. </p><p></p><p>Just like I spoke up about not having benzos in my home, I need to speak up about not supporting this particular therapist.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="WiseChoices, post: 753331, member: 24254"] Yes! This rings very, very true! I am always so terribly afraid of being controlling that I instead allow anything and everything. Since control is my character defect and I wish to be free of it, I have silenced my own voice in some cases. This is wrong. I am entitled to my own opinion. I am allowed to voice this opinion. My daughter will say I am unsupportive. She will say I am controlling. And I mustn't care. I am to the point that I dread seeing a message from her. This let's me know I am giving her control over my emotions. Before I left for my trip, when I hugged her good-bye, I said I love you and she did not say it back .has not said it in messages the way she used to even when I say it. I am so insecure and hurt and afraid around her all the time. You are right: Al-Anon teaches me to use my voice when it is important to do so. I cannot support an unethical therapist . This therapist is part of the reason why I am insecure as a Mother even though I do not wish to assign blame. I am responsible for myself. But in every case, she sided with the kids. I was always "too hard" , too this, to that. I got to where I ran every decision by this woman. And where my kids would summon me to see the therapist to discuss decisions I was making for them. I am a Ball of fear and anxiety .I need to come out of the corner and access the power that flows inside of me. I can't be scared of my daughter , her wrath, her disapproval of me, her withdrawel of affection (I am not allowed to hug her anymore and when I forget and reach out to her because she is crying or something, she recoils), her withdrawal of love . The truth is all of those things have already happened. What I have left is me. My integrity. And I need to act from that place of integrity and strength. I hide how I feel a lot around her still - for fear of judgement. If I were my own sponsee, I would say connect to your power that is God-given and adjust your crown .Don't be afraid of the feelings of other people. They are not your business. Just like I spoke up about not having benzos in my home, I need to speak up about not supporting this particular therapist. [/QUOTE]
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