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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember1" data-source="post: 753783" data-attributes="member: 23706"><p>Hmmmm. This is so tough. I do stand by what I said about these defiant adult children doing what they chose to do no matter what we say or do. I am not sure all of them feel guilty about lying to us. We WANT to think they do, but I don't think Kay cared. Her moral compass is not mine.</p><p></p><p>I probably would not say anything about the therapist. Many times of telling Kay "I caught you" were fruitless. She would deny, deny, deny then get mad then abusive and she would try harder to sneak. This included smoking pot and taking other drugs in our home, dating Lee, stealing, and saying she was working/at college when she was not doing either.</p><p></p><p>You can't strike up contracts or bargains or compromises with a liar. Liars lie just like addicts use drugs.</p><p></p><p>What i would probably have tried with Kay would have been to tell her she had to make all co pays once she was working. Telling her not to see Shady Therapist, if she is contrary and must show you who's boss, may bond her to Ms. Shady even more. So I would focus on payment.</p><p></p><p>Now Kay would not do co pays, but it would have been worth a try. Kay refused therapy "There is nothing wrong with me. It's the world that is screwed up and I just see it the way it really is. You think the world is sane. YOU need help." This is not verbatim but close.</p><p></p><p>In the end, because of what our kids may lie about to therapists we are not likely to enjoy any feedback our kids share with us from their therapists, even if they share with honesty. But therapy sessions are not something we can control. Their truth may not be ours or they may lie on purpose.</p><p></p><p>You can try to not pay though.</p><p></p><p>Congrats on your job!!!!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember1, post: 753783, member: 23706"] Hmmmm. This is so tough. I do stand by what I said about these defiant adult children doing what they chose to do no matter what we say or do. I am not sure all of them feel guilty about lying to us. We WANT to think they do, but I don't think Kay cared. Her moral compass is not mine. I probably would not say anything about the therapist. Many times of telling Kay "I caught you" were fruitless. She would deny, deny, deny then get mad then abusive and she would try harder to sneak. This included smoking pot and taking other drugs in our home, dating Lee, stealing, and saying she was working/at college when she was not doing either. You can't strike up contracts or bargains or compromises with a liar. Liars lie just like addicts use drugs. What i would probably have tried with Kay would have been to tell her she had to make all co pays once she was working. Telling her not to see Shady Therapist, if she is contrary and must show you who's boss, may bond her to Ms. Shady even more. So I would focus on payment. Now Kay would not do co pays, but it would have been worth a try. Kay refused therapy "There is nothing wrong with me. It's the world that is screwed up and I just see it the way it really is. You think the world is sane. YOU need help." This is not verbatim but close. In the end, because of what our kids may lie about to therapists we are not likely to enjoy any feedback our kids share with us from their therapists, even if they share with honesty. But therapy sessions are not something we can control. Their truth may not be ours or they may lie on purpose. You can try to not pay though. Congrats on your job!!!!! [/QUOTE]
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