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therapist Was Very Blunt With difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="buddy" data-source="post: 490598" data-attributes="member: 12886"><p>This is where I get confused at home, I know all our kids have different abilities but to have this go on and on and on, and most of them receive consequences and do not get what they want all of the time, end up in conflict, and would prefer things to go easier.... SO, I always wonder (in my case) if it is really a <em>refusal</em> or it is his personality/ability/perspective....Is it really a skill deficit? For example, when I do a time line visually my son then sees how it is all connected, but of course that skill has not generalized to problem solving and the correct perspective at the moment. I hear the exact same things you do but maybe dont get quite as frustrated because it is in all settings, since he has such low tolerance for so many things...he spreads the weath/an equal opportunity defiance! For Q it is not just getting what he wants, but sensory etc... </p><p></p><p>Here is a theory, but obviously it could be way way off.... just throwing it out there in case it could help understand, if not....obviously just ignore....</p><p></p><p>Lets assume the trigger is his highly desired items, activities, etc. these are the things you have mentioned lately so am only considering these things). In this case it makes sense to me these issues don't happen out of home, because the really highly desired things are only available in your setting. When reinforcers are chosen for a behavior program, they survey (watch, ask etc.) to see what things a kid likes. The things they dont pick often and the things they really really really want are thrown out as options for reinforcers to work on behavior. They dont work because the kid is too upset if he doesn't earn the super desired thing. For your son, I doubt those things are available in school and church and so he is telling the truth (from his perspective)... they really are not "mean" to him ever. Because they dont have to say "no". They dont have to limit those desired things. And he is with them for a very structured, predictable program. That makes his stress level lower and he really can choose better behaviors. He knows he can always get to his highly desired things eventually, at home, or at least he hopes so and plans for it and thinks about it.... so he holds off.... because it is all planned out in his mind.... relief at home, he can finally get what he wants. Then (sarcasm here) you have the nerve to interrupt his plans. If he is a rigid thinker and so focused on what he wants, you have a tough job! </p><p></p><p>So this is of course not knowing him, and could be totally off, but just from posts it seems like it could be part of an explanation.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="buddy, post: 490598, member: 12886"] This is where I get confused at home, I know all our kids have different abilities but to have this go on and on and on, and most of them receive consequences and do not get what they want all of the time, end up in conflict, and would prefer things to go easier.... SO, I always wonder (in my case) if it is really a [I]refusal[/I] or it is his personality/ability/perspective....Is it really a skill deficit? For example, when I do a time line visually my son then sees how it is all connected, but of course that skill has not generalized to problem solving and the correct perspective at the moment. I hear the exact same things you do but maybe dont get quite as frustrated because it is in all settings, since he has such low tolerance for so many things...he spreads the weath/an equal opportunity defiance! For Q it is not just getting what he wants, but sensory etc... Here is a theory, but obviously it could be way way off.... just throwing it out there in case it could help understand, if not....obviously just ignore.... Lets assume the trigger is his highly desired items, activities, etc. these are the things you have mentioned lately so am only considering these things). In this case it makes sense to me these issues don't happen out of home, because the really highly desired things are only available in your setting. When reinforcers are chosen for a behavior program, they survey (watch, ask etc.) to see what things a kid likes. The things they dont pick often and the things they really really really want are thrown out as options for reinforcers to work on behavior. They dont work because the kid is too upset if he doesn't earn the super desired thing. For your son, I doubt those things are available in school and church and so he is telling the truth (from his perspective)... they really are not "mean" to him ever. Because they dont have to say "no". They dont have to limit those desired things. And he is with them for a very structured, predictable program. That makes his stress level lower and he really can choose better behaviors. He knows he can always get to his highly desired things eventually, at home, or at least he hopes so and plans for it and thinks about it.... so he holds off.... because it is all planned out in his mind.... relief at home, he can finally get what he wants. Then (sarcasm here) you have the nerve to interrupt his plans. If he is a rigid thinker and so focused on what he wants, you have a tough job! So this is of course not knowing him, and could be totally off, but just from posts it seems like it could be part of an explanation. [/QUOTE]
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