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therapist Was Very Blunt With difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="exhausted" data-source="post: 490667" data-attributes="member: 11001"><p>I think blaming everyone for their behaviors is pretty typical of our kids. It takes awhile for therapy to help them get over this. I watched perfectly smart kids at Residential Treatment Center (RTC) continue well into treatment blaming everyone and not taking responsibility-17 year olds! Besides at age 12 you pretty well are focused on yourself. I just read a book and did a Christmas lesson about giving to others and thinking about other's needs(I teach 6th grade most of the day). You can't believe how "unskilled" they were at thinking about how they could be give to others in their circle. I heard stuff like; "But I dont have money", "My mom wouldn't like my help", etc. This all from kids who had no dxs. Hear it every year. Truelly developmental.</p><p></p><p>As for skill deficit at home..I think buddy is on to something. I would use it. I would tie some of his home rewards into school where he is successful. When they know they can be successful sometimes they are more willing to work for success. Negotiating and problem solving would be worth it to teach the skills you desire. But I would keep to my boundaries and rules and expectations.</p><p></p><p>I would continue to let the psychiatrist work towards having difficult child accept responsibility and be accountable. This is an emerging skill at this age. You have to stick to your boundaries and rules in the mean time. Hopefully psychiatrist can help with husband which I suspect may be the reason why difficult child continues his fit throwing. He knows the team is not solid and he may be able to get some need met-even control. difficult children can sniff this out. Ours has in so many ways searched the fence for a weak link she could get through. Even when we thought we were a tight unit, she would try to devide and concure! When called on it, she was totally oblivious to what she was doing. She didn't have any plan except to get what she wanted. We have had to be totally on our toes (thus the exhaustion). Because my husband was a sugar daddy and didn't like to be bad cop-we decided with psychiatrists help that all decisions would only be made with both of us present. She would go no place, get nothing, recieve consequences without the two of us talking it over. husband really balked at this. At times he would even say "you decide". I refused and made him do it. A few times of her taking advantage of his decision, or throwing a fit.... his sugar burned, and he is tough dad!</p><p>Hang in there and try if you can to get psychiatrists help with husband. I know it has helped me so much since husband is on the train. (((HUGS)))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="exhausted, post: 490667, member: 11001"] I think blaming everyone for their behaviors is pretty typical of our kids. It takes awhile for therapy to help them get over this. I watched perfectly smart kids at Residential Treatment Center (RTC) continue well into treatment blaming everyone and not taking responsibility-17 year olds! Besides at age 12 you pretty well are focused on yourself. I just read a book and did a Christmas lesson about giving to others and thinking about other's needs(I teach 6th grade most of the day). You can't believe how "unskilled" they were at thinking about how they could be give to others in their circle. I heard stuff like; "But I dont have money", "My mom wouldn't like my help", etc. This all from kids who had no dxs. Hear it every year. Truelly developmental. As for skill deficit at home..I think buddy is on to something. I would use it. I would tie some of his home rewards into school where he is successful. When they know they can be successful sometimes they are more willing to work for success. Negotiating and problem solving would be worth it to teach the skills you desire. But I would keep to my boundaries and rules and expectations. I would continue to let the psychiatrist work towards having difficult child accept responsibility and be accountable. This is an emerging skill at this age. You have to stick to your boundaries and rules in the mean time. Hopefully psychiatrist can help with husband which I suspect may be the reason why difficult child continues his fit throwing. He knows the team is not solid and he may be able to get some need met-even control. difficult children can sniff this out. Ours has in so many ways searched the fence for a weak link she could get through. Even when we thought we were a tight unit, she would try to devide and concure! When called on it, she was totally oblivious to what she was doing. She didn't have any plan except to get what she wanted. We have had to be totally on our toes (thus the exhaustion). Because my husband was a sugar daddy and didn't like to be bad cop-we decided with psychiatrists help that all decisions would only be made with both of us present. She would go no place, get nothing, recieve consequences without the two of us talking it over. husband really balked at this. At times he would even say "you decide". I refused and made him do it. A few times of her taking advantage of his decision, or throwing a fit.... his sugar burned, and he is tough dad! Hang in there and try if you can to get psychiatrists help with husband. I know it has helped me so much since husband is on the train. (((HUGS))) [/QUOTE]
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