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There is a WRONG way to handle a difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="donna723" data-source="post: 352977" data-attributes="member: 1883"><p>I have read all the articles and I still don't understand it. Seems like there's plenty of blame to go around. For one thing, it sounds like this woman was totally clueless about what behaviors to expect from this child and how to help him. It was irresponsible of her get get herself in to it without doing all the research and knowing what she could be getting herself in to. I don't see anywhere in the articles that she tried to get any professional help for this child! It says she's a nurse - a nurse is not qualified to diagnose psychiatric disorders in children or anyone else for that matter, but maybe she thought she could? She lives in Shelbyville, TN and had easy access to the Vanderbilt University hospital system that is one of the best in the country at assisting families of children with psychiatric or behavioral disorders, but apparently she did not seek help, just floundered on her own for a few months. Then she decided she was in over her head and just put him on a plane and sent him back home with a note in his pocket! And the out of state agency that arranges these foreign adoptions is also at fault. Obviously the adoptive parents have no idea of the potential problems involved, then after the child is in their home they receive no counseling, no support, no followup checks, no nothing - they're just on their own!</p><p> </p><p>Adopting an older child with an unknown background from a foreign country is risky at best and will never be easy. This child could have fetal alcohol syndrome or come from an abusive or neglectful background. And after being institutionalized for most of his life, he would more than likely have attachment issues and a hard time bonding and blending in to any family. Then he was taken away from everything and everybody that he knew and found himself living with total strangers who expected too much out of him too soon and got no professinal help - then factor in the language barrier on top of it all, and it's not surprising that she had problems with this child! It would be surprising if she didn't!</p><p> </p><p>I guess this upsets me the most because we're all so familiar with the posts of Linda, the Timer Lady, who has gone through such struggles and sacrificed so much with her own adopted children and their issues and who continues to advocate so strongly and tirelessly for her kids. She has never given up on them and just keeps right on doing everything she can to help them, even when they're at their most difficult. This lady half-heartedly tried for a few months, then put her kid on a plane with a note in his pocket saying she didn't want him anymore!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="donna723, post: 352977, member: 1883"] I have read all the articles and I still don't understand it. Seems like there's plenty of blame to go around. For one thing, it sounds like this woman was totally clueless about what behaviors to expect from this child and how to help him. It was irresponsible of her get get herself in to it without doing all the research and knowing what she could be getting herself in to. I don't see anywhere in the articles that she tried to get any professional help for this child! It says she's a nurse - a nurse is not qualified to diagnose psychiatric disorders in children or anyone else for that matter, but maybe she thought she could? She lives in Shelbyville, TN and had easy access to the Vanderbilt University hospital system that is one of the best in the country at assisting families of children with psychiatric or behavioral disorders, but apparently she did not seek help, just floundered on her own for a few months. Then she decided she was in over her head and just put him on a plane and sent him back home with a note in his pocket! And the out of state agency that arranges these foreign adoptions is also at fault. Obviously the adoptive parents have no idea of the potential problems involved, then after the child is in their home they receive no counseling, no support, no followup checks, no nothing - they're just on their own! Adopting an older child with an unknown background from a foreign country is risky at best and will never be easy. This child could have fetal alcohol syndrome or come from an abusive or neglectful background. And after being institutionalized for most of his life, he would more than likely have attachment issues and a hard time bonding and blending in to any family. Then he was taken away from everything and everybody that he knew and found himself living with total strangers who expected too much out of him too soon and got no professinal help - then factor in the language barrier on top of it all, and it's not surprising that she had problems with this child! It would be surprising if she didn't! I guess this upsets me the most because we're all so familiar with the posts of Linda, the Timer Lady, who has gone through such struggles and sacrificed so much with her own adopted children and their issues and who continues to advocate so strongly and tirelessly for her kids. She has never given up on them and just keeps right on doing everything she can to help them, even when they're at their most difficult. This lady half-heartedly tried for a few months, then put her kid on a plane with a note in his pocket saying she didn't want him anymore! [/QUOTE]
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