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There is a WRONG way to handle a difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 353723" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>When I first heard this story? I honestly have to tell you gals after raising Dude since birth and Steven and Kary (for a period of time) my first thought was "I don't blame you a bit." True, it was a selfish thought, because after all if I had this life to do over again without a single difficult child and the choice of a easy child child knowing what I know now? Hey - I'm not so sure I would pick door A with all it's 'fun' again. So I'm not in such a hurry to fault the parents for 'returning the puppy' ---which is actually a very good analogy, sorry to say. In the real world and being adopted? When you are 'selected' it feels like that. True - adoption is a crxp shoot at best of genetics you can only guess at IF you are lucky enough to know anything about the parents - but if you were told a lie about a little boy or girl and had absolutely no knowledge of raising children and then got a full blown fetal alcohol syndrome, feral, encopretic, enuresis, cursing, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), ODD, autistic, schizophrenic, head banging, screaming, non-sleeping, fully dysfunctional (or any combination of the latter) and lets just say your family had never EVER had any kind of dealings with any child that EVER had any mental illness? Would YOU seriously say "I don't care how badly this child ruins our lives I'm going to go through a life time of heart ache, sadness and be just like every Mother on the CD board and keep this child?" </p><p>Nah - I don't think so. I mean I know that definition is a little extreme, but...to some people who have never walked in our shoes a kid like him? </p><p></p><p>SO then the OTHER side of this argument is....WOW what a heel she could have taken him someplace else and really dumped him in a little bit kinder fashion huh? Well.....what were her options? IF she took him to Social Services....they would take her to court and make her take him back. Wouldn't they? If she took him to a police station and turned him in? We all know what happens there with incorrigible children don't we? Yeah - take them home and deal with them we're not responsible lady - he's your responsibility and we can't take them to Department of Juvenile Justice unless you have documented blah blah blah. If she got on a plane and went back to Russia with him? So she gets off a plane and then goes to the orphanage in Russia, drops him off and then does time in a Russian prison? Yeah - I'd want that too -not. (again selfish but seriously). </p><p></p><p>It seems to me that she did a selfish thing which maybe will be something that works out for that child in the end. With him being in the lime light? Russia will most certainly call him a son, and not shove him in an institution and forget about him - he's a pseudo-celebrity now. He's in the news, the press will follow his story, progress and if NOTHING else - WANT to make an American Mother look bad with his rehabilitation and well being. I don't think anyone is considering in 14 years when this child is a man of 21 and looks her up in the states - all better and mentally fit to ask her or thank her for returning her to Russia and he's quite well off and taken care of. I just can't see the country NOT taking care of him or using this as an advantage to one up the US. So maybe she did a good thing in that respect. </p><p></p><p>As far as further adoption relations? I just have no answers for that other than maybe some of the children who are in orphanages here in the US will be given a chance or a look-see if Russia says - nyet to further US adoptions. It shouldn't matter where your children come from every child needs a home. </p><p></p><p>With regards to the Mom who returned the boy like she did? IF she's they TYPE of Mother that COULD put a child on a plane without any consideration or feeling for that child and is like I said in the beginning sentence - perfect life, perfect family and this boy would have just messed it up? Then he would have had a MORE miserable existence here in HER world and he's better shed of HER. Think of it that way. If she's that callous - then they both deserve to be apart. Good riddance. BUT.....If she made the hardest decision of her life to put her long awaited son back on a plane and is in torment and agony over loosing the only child she waited so long for but did the only thing she knew and really thought this through for his sake and not her own? Then give her a little lattitude....she just lost her child, and did it for the right reasons - unselfish Mother unable to take care of a child who was so far out of her league and now her heart is shattered and her house is empty and you know she'll never get another chance at adoption again. She'll spend the rest of her life without a child. I mean she had one - but apparently she just could not take care of him, and just because we can we should not see her as weak. I keep telling you all every day - WE ARE THE TOUGHEST OF THE TOUGH. That on top of her enormous guilt would be enough hell to pay on earth. I truly feel sorry for her. </p><p></p><p>Just my .02 cents.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 353723, member: 4964"] When I first heard this story? I honestly have to tell you gals after raising Dude since birth and Steven and Kary (for a period of time) my first thought was "I don't blame you a bit." True, it was a selfish thought, because after all if I had this life to do over again without a single difficult child and the choice of a easy child child knowing what I know now? Hey - I'm not so sure I would pick door A with all it's 'fun' again. So I'm not in such a hurry to fault the parents for 'returning the puppy' ---which is actually a very good analogy, sorry to say. In the real world and being adopted? When you are 'selected' it feels like that. True - adoption is a crxp shoot at best of genetics you can only guess at IF you are lucky enough to know anything about the parents - but if you were told a lie about a little boy or girl and had absolutely no knowledge of raising children and then got a full blown fetal alcohol syndrome, feral, encopretic, enuresis, cursing, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), ODD, autistic, schizophrenic, head banging, screaming, non-sleeping, fully dysfunctional (or any combination of the latter) and lets just say your family had never EVER had any kind of dealings with any child that EVER had any mental illness? Would YOU seriously say "I don't care how badly this child ruins our lives I'm going to go through a life time of heart ache, sadness and be just like every Mother on the CD board and keep this child?" Nah - I don't think so. I mean I know that definition is a little extreme, but...to some people who have never walked in our shoes a kid like him? SO then the OTHER side of this argument is....WOW what a heel she could have taken him someplace else and really dumped him in a little bit kinder fashion huh? Well.....what were her options? IF she took him to Social Services....they would take her to court and make her take him back. Wouldn't they? If she took him to a police station and turned him in? We all know what happens there with incorrigible children don't we? Yeah - take them home and deal with them we're not responsible lady - he's your responsibility and we can't take them to Department of Juvenile Justice unless you have documented blah blah blah. If she got on a plane and went back to Russia with him? So she gets off a plane and then goes to the orphanage in Russia, drops him off and then does time in a Russian prison? Yeah - I'd want that too -not. (again selfish but seriously). It seems to me that she did a selfish thing which maybe will be something that works out for that child in the end. With him being in the lime light? Russia will most certainly call him a son, and not shove him in an institution and forget about him - he's a pseudo-celebrity now. He's in the news, the press will follow his story, progress and if NOTHING else - WANT to make an American Mother look bad with his rehabilitation and well being. I don't think anyone is considering in 14 years when this child is a man of 21 and looks her up in the states - all better and mentally fit to ask her or thank her for returning her to Russia and he's quite well off and taken care of. I just can't see the country NOT taking care of him or using this as an advantage to one up the US. So maybe she did a good thing in that respect. As far as further adoption relations? I just have no answers for that other than maybe some of the children who are in orphanages here in the US will be given a chance or a look-see if Russia says - nyet to further US adoptions. It shouldn't matter where your children come from every child needs a home. With regards to the Mom who returned the boy like she did? IF she's they TYPE of Mother that COULD put a child on a plane without any consideration or feeling for that child and is like I said in the beginning sentence - perfect life, perfect family and this boy would have just messed it up? Then he would have had a MORE miserable existence here in HER world and he's better shed of HER. Think of it that way. If she's that callous - then they both deserve to be apart. Good riddance. BUT.....If she made the hardest decision of her life to put her long awaited son back on a plane and is in torment and agony over loosing the only child she waited so long for but did the only thing she knew and really thought this through for his sake and not her own? Then give her a little lattitude....she just lost her child, and did it for the right reasons - unselfish Mother unable to take care of a child who was so far out of her league and now her heart is shattered and her house is empty and you know she'll never get another chance at adoption again. She'll spend the rest of her life without a child. I mean she had one - but apparently she just could not take care of him, and just because we can we should not see her as weak. I keep telling you all every day - WE ARE THE TOUGHEST OF THE TOUGH. That on top of her enormous guilt would be enough hell to pay on earth. I truly feel sorry for her. Just my .02 cents. [/QUOTE]
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