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Things are tough
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 704761" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>I've followed your story TL, and I'm glad your son is home and has dealt with his warrants, it does sound as if he is trying to change. And, that doesn't mean living with him is easy, I completely understand how you are feeling. I've offered my daughter the opportunity to live with us a number of times over the last 5 years and every single time, I ended up feeling as you presently do. I couldn't relax and enjoy my own home because of my daughter's behaviors and how they impacted me......it's always been challenging for me. Once they are adults, living together poses so many issues for us, in my opinion, these living arrangements are best when they are temporary, to give our kids an option so they can get their lives in order......but even if temporary, they present us with our own responses to their often impaired and/or skewered thinking. </p><p></p><p>It's a very difficult movie to watch in our own homes, which I define as my 'sanctuary' away from the world........ and then our kids bring that world right up into our face right there in our "safe" place. The disruption of that "safe" place for me, even if I was the one disrupting it with my thoughts and feelings about my daughter didn't matter, the "safe" comfortable part was now no longer "safe" and comfortable. Plus it was pretty obvious to me that my daughter did not want to be living with me either......the parent/child script was often just too hard to let go of when we were living together. It was "work" I just didn't feel like engaging in all the time.</p><p></p><p>I know you are offering your son a safe and loving place to be while he figures out the next step.....I would do the same thing.....however, it doesn't mean it's easy. I had to learn to stop asking any questions and to detach as much as I could from the everyday stuff my daughter would do.....Perhaps amping up your own supports, therapy, getting out of Dodge when you can, doing a lot of nurturing things for yourself, <em>refraining </em>(my favorite word these days) as much as you can......you sound as if you are already doing all you can do......and it doesn't <em>make it easier.....</em> Sigh. Acceptance of what is, for me, is always the tough part. It is what it is.........hang in there TL, at some point, this too shall pass........</p><p></p><p>(((HUGS)))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 704761, member: 13542"] I've followed your story TL, and I'm glad your son is home and has dealt with his warrants, it does sound as if he is trying to change. And, that doesn't mean living with him is easy, I completely understand how you are feeling. I've offered my daughter the opportunity to live with us a number of times over the last 5 years and every single time, I ended up feeling as you presently do. I couldn't relax and enjoy my own home because of my daughter's behaviors and how they impacted me......it's always been challenging for me. Once they are adults, living together poses so many issues for us, in my opinion, these living arrangements are best when they are temporary, to give our kids an option so they can get their lives in order......but even if temporary, they present us with our own responses to their often impaired and/or skewered thinking. It's a very difficult movie to watch in our own homes, which I define as my 'sanctuary' away from the world........ and then our kids bring that world right up into our face right there in our "safe" place. The disruption of that "safe" place for me, even if I was the one disrupting it with my thoughts and feelings about my daughter didn't matter, the "safe" comfortable part was now no longer "safe" and comfortable. Plus it was pretty obvious to me that my daughter did not want to be living with me either......the parent/child script was often just too hard to let go of when we were living together. It was "work" I just didn't feel like engaging in all the time. I know you are offering your son a safe and loving place to be while he figures out the next step.....I would do the same thing.....however, it doesn't mean it's easy. I had to learn to stop asking any questions and to detach as much as I could from the everyday stuff my daughter would do.....Perhaps amping up your own supports, therapy, getting out of Dodge when you can, doing a lot of nurturing things for yourself, [I]refraining [/I](my favorite word these days) as much as you can......you sound as if you are already doing all you can do......and it doesn't [I]make it easier.....[/I] Sigh. Acceptance of what is, for me, is always the tough part. It is what it is.........hang in there TL, at some point, this too shall pass........ (((HUGS))) [/QUOTE]
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