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<blockquote data-quote="Kalahou" data-source="post: 704847" data-attributes="member: 19617"><p>Tough, I could have written these very exact words. Reading your words took me back to feeling exactly the way you describe and it was not a good place for me to be. It got to the point that I was continually (no matter where I was or what I was doing) on the verge of tears. I could not talk to him without walking on eggshells. I did not want to come home and know he was in his room. Sometimes I could not eat. I felt I was really on my way to poor health.</p><p></p><p> In my own situation, I had to ask my son to leave our house, for my own health and peace. I felt I was suffocating - I could physically feel it. I put a storage shed in the yard, and totally cleared out his living area bare. I think it surprised him. He understood the pain he was causing, but he was so drowning and lost, and did not do well. He floundered more out of the house. It took him going to jail for 6 months, and he is now in a structured program under the court's jurisdiction. I am cautious still about seeing the results down the road.</p><p></p><p> You did not say if your son is looking for work. It does not sound like it. I will stay hopeful for you, but my gut feeling from experience with my own son prompts me to share the opinion that your son is not likely to get his life together unless he is ready to get alcohol abuse treatment and get a job, both needed to give him his self-respect. This can only happen when he is ready and wants it, and is willing to receive any support to take that action and stick with it. Sad to say, as we have all learned here, we cannot help, support, and fix anything ourselves for these adult children.</p><p></p><p> It is a good sign that your son came back to serve his time. This shows he wants the connection back with you -- as Copa said ~ perhaps he wants and needs to see home / parents as the touchstone. It's hard for us as parents to find the best way to be that moral force and support.</p><p></p><p>Stay strong. I am following along with you. You are not alone.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Kalahou, post: 704847, member: 19617"] Tough, I could have written these very exact words. Reading your words took me back to feeling exactly the way you describe and it was not a good place for me to be. It got to the point that I was continually (no matter where I was or what I was doing) on the verge of tears. I could not talk to him without walking on eggshells. I did not want to come home and know he was in his room. Sometimes I could not eat. I felt I was really on my way to poor health. In my own situation, I had to ask my son to leave our house, for my own health and peace. I felt I was suffocating - I could physically feel it. I put a storage shed in the yard, and totally cleared out his living area bare. I think it surprised him. He understood the pain he was causing, but he was so drowning and lost, and did not do well. He floundered more out of the house. It took him going to jail for 6 months, and he is now in a structured program under the court's jurisdiction. I am cautious still about seeing the results down the road. You did not say if your son is looking for work. It does not sound like it. I will stay hopeful for you, but my gut feeling from experience with my own son prompts me to share the opinion that your son is not likely to get his life together unless he is ready to get alcohol abuse treatment and get a job, both needed to give him his self-respect. This can only happen when he is ready and wants it, and is willing to receive any support to take that action and stick with it. Sad to say, as we have all learned here, we cannot help, support, and fix anything ourselves for these adult children. It is a good sign that your son came back to serve his time. This shows he wants the connection back with you -- as Copa said ~ perhaps he wants and needs to see home / parents as the touchstone. It's hard for us as parents to find the best way to be that moral force and support. Stay strong. I am following along with you. You are not alone. [/QUOTE]
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