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Things are tough
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 704916" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>You know, my son has always struggled. He had a very hard start. I adopted him at 22 months.</p><p></p><p>I knew going in that it would be a struggle, but I believed we would make it. Immediately, my son responded to my love and I responded to his love. We worked. And that mean that "I worked" as a person. It was a beautiful story, until the day came when I could no longer make him happy with my love. And then, I felt guilty and ineffective and like I did not work so well as a person--if he did not do well.</p><p></p><p>There was this link between his functioning and how I felt about myself. When it seemed I did a good job as a mother, it was good. When he was unhappy, I blamed myself. None of this is logical but it is the truth.</p><p></p><p>I find myself distracted here. Fearful a little bit. Because sometimes when I write like this there are one or two people on the board that criticize me. For telling the truth. Perhaps they are better or stronger or healthier people than am I. They certainly must feel like they are better mothers.</p><p>But I do not believe I am the only mother who feels this way. That feels she is failing, if she cannot help her child feel functional and good.</p><p>This is very hard, in my experience. I think we can try, but there is a piece of us, that is tied to them. Call it what you want. An umbilical cord, or empathy or just mother love. This is a real thing and I believe it is with us eternally.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 704916, member: 18958"] You know, my son has always struggled. He had a very hard start. I adopted him at 22 months. I knew going in that it would be a struggle, but I believed we would make it. Immediately, my son responded to my love and I responded to his love. We worked. And that mean that "I worked" as a person. It was a beautiful story, until the day came when I could no longer make him happy with my love. And then, I felt guilty and ineffective and like I did not work so well as a person--if he did not do well. There was this link between his functioning and how I felt about myself. When it seemed I did a good job as a mother, it was good. When he was unhappy, I blamed myself. None of this is logical but it is the truth. I find myself distracted here. Fearful a little bit. Because sometimes when I write like this there are one or two people on the board that criticize me. For telling the truth. Perhaps they are better or stronger or healthier people than am I. They certainly must feel like they are better mothers. But I do not believe I am the only mother who feels this way. That feels she is failing, if she cannot help her child feel functional and good. This is very hard, in my experience. I think we can try, but there is a piece of us, that is tied to them. Call it what you want. An umbilical cord, or empathy or just mother love. This is a real thing and I believe it is with us eternally. [/QUOTE]
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