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<blockquote data-quote="welcometowitsend" data-source="post: 526399" data-attributes="member: 14356"><p>Keista - Thank you for your reply. I am hoping that we can make a start somewhere and I do think this is a good place to start but like Susiestar I have some concerns and am not sure what type of interaction would be appropriate at this point. I just have no point of reference to go from - never been through this before. </p><p></p><p>Buddy - I do need to speak to the counsellor about how to deal with the situation if he starts in on the 'issues'. The voice recorder is a good idea although I hate the thought that I need to do that with my own child. Know what I mean?? </p><p></p><p>Susie- I know you are right about everything you said. These are things husband and I have discussed - it just feels so wrong to feel that way about your own child, you know? We have fears about him wanting to come home, only to injure himself and then call the police and accuse us - as a way to 'prove' he is being abused. You are right that he could do that in public as well - that didn't occur to me. </p><p></p><p>It has definitely been brought to mind that daughter could be taken from us by Children's Aid if difficult child convinces them he has been abused. I can't imagine what harm that would do to her. I am praying that if Children's Aid does get involved that they will interview and ask questions and not just yank her from us and then ask questions later. If they yank her it will be at least 5 days before I can get her back. </p><p></p><p>So far the police have been involved, guidance counsellors at school, crisis hotline, Family Services (not Children's Aid - a different agency) and no one has accused us of abuse or even suggested that we have done anything wrong. That's not to say we shouldn't be on guard but they are all legally required to report us to Children's Aid. The police told us they had to report to Children's Aid regardless - that was 3 weeks ago and we haven't even gotten a phone call so I am guessing they are not concerned for daughter's safety. Not to say that can't change if difficult child keeps this up. </p><p></p><p>I know what you mean by rewarding him for all his accusations. I am torn between 'rewarding' bad behaviour with a dinner out and wanting to try to maintain some sort of relationship. I just don't know what the right answer is there. I just don't know where the boundary is between being a loving parent that wants to maintain a relationship and work through this and being a doormat. Not in this situation, anyway. </p><p></p><p>I guess I should definitely see the counsellor on Wednesday and ask her advice before I even consider suggesting a get together with him. I hate that it has to be this way with my own child. Making a list of questions for Wednesday. Ideas?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="welcometowitsend, post: 526399, member: 14356"] Keista - Thank you for your reply. I am hoping that we can make a start somewhere and I do think this is a good place to start but like Susiestar I have some concerns and am not sure what type of interaction would be appropriate at this point. I just have no point of reference to go from - never been through this before. Buddy - I do need to speak to the counsellor about how to deal with the situation if he starts in on the 'issues'. The voice recorder is a good idea although I hate the thought that I need to do that with my own child. Know what I mean?? Susie- I know you are right about everything you said. These are things husband and I have discussed - it just feels so wrong to feel that way about your own child, you know? We have fears about him wanting to come home, only to injure himself and then call the police and accuse us - as a way to 'prove' he is being abused. You are right that he could do that in public as well - that didn't occur to me. It has definitely been brought to mind that daughter could be taken from us by Children's Aid if difficult child convinces them he has been abused. I can't imagine what harm that would do to her. I am praying that if Children's Aid does get involved that they will interview and ask questions and not just yank her from us and then ask questions later. If they yank her it will be at least 5 days before I can get her back. So far the police have been involved, guidance counsellors at school, crisis hotline, Family Services (not Children's Aid - a different agency) and no one has accused us of abuse or even suggested that we have done anything wrong. That's not to say we shouldn't be on guard but they are all legally required to report us to Children's Aid. The police told us they had to report to Children's Aid regardless - that was 3 weeks ago and we haven't even gotten a phone call so I am guessing they are not concerned for daughter's safety. Not to say that can't change if difficult child keeps this up. I know what you mean by rewarding him for all his accusations. I am torn between 'rewarding' bad behaviour with a dinner out and wanting to try to maintain some sort of relationship. I just don't know what the right answer is there. I just don't know where the boundary is between being a loving parent that wants to maintain a relationship and work through this and being a doormat. Not in this situation, anyway. I guess I should definitely see the counsellor on Wednesday and ask her advice before I even consider suggesting a get together with him. I hate that it has to be this way with my own child. Making a list of questions for Wednesday. Ideas? [/QUOTE]
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