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<blockquote data-quote="Calamity Jane" data-source="post: 526670" data-attributes="member: 13882"><p>Hi,</p><p>My husband and I were in a very, very similar situation, and our therapist suggested we "embrace" difficult child and shower him with love and acceptance (this after he made false accusations to CPS because we found his drug stash and his gig was up). CPS fully investigated, and exonerated us - I wanted to know how our 16 y/o could make such depraved accusations about his parents and get away with it. The therapist, as I said, wanted us to embrace him. This was happening while difficult child was always threatening to "emancipate" himself, as if it would scare us into backing off of his drug use and defiance. One night, when he came in high after curfew, disrespectful, he and husband were having an argument about his breaking the rules, etc. difficult child said he was going to emancipate himself legally. I couldn't take it anymore and told him to "emancipate himself through the front door...right now - we sure are gonna miss ya!" </p><p></p><p>The little narcissist liar was shocked - shocked that we called his bluff! For once, husband was on the same page. difficult child never tried that again. All I can say is, we were betrayed and dishonored by our own son, and we had foolishly been crawling back to him, instead of the other way around. The therapist's well-meaning advice just seemed so counterintuitive to us, but we were inexperienced and thought the "professional" must know better, instead of trusting our instincts. It sends the wrong message - if difficult child isn't contrite, then I wouldn't meet him for dinner. It also tells your younger child that you're willing to capitulate to foolishness. My son was a victimizer who was adept at playing the victim. Once we put a stop to that, dumped the therapist, set and enforced rules, the game changed, but I'll tell you, I will <strong>never</strong> trust difficult child again in my life. If he can do what he did to his PARENTS and SISTER, he can do anything - without a conscience. We have a superficial relationship most of the time, and husband and I always assume if he's personable, he's playing us for something. What a shame, because we put our heart and soul into parenting and he just doesn't appreciate it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Calamity Jane, post: 526670, member: 13882"] Hi, My husband and I were in a very, very similar situation, and our therapist suggested we "embrace" difficult child and shower him with love and acceptance (this after he made false accusations to CPS because we found his drug stash and his gig was up). CPS fully investigated, and exonerated us - I wanted to know how our 16 y/o could make such depraved accusations about his parents and get away with it. The therapist, as I said, wanted us to embrace him. This was happening while difficult child was always threatening to "emancipate" himself, as if it would scare us into backing off of his drug use and defiance. One night, when he came in high after curfew, disrespectful, he and husband were having an argument about his breaking the rules, etc. difficult child said he was going to emancipate himself legally. I couldn't take it anymore and told him to "emancipate himself through the front door...right now - we sure are gonna miss ya!" The little narcissist liar was shocked - shocked that we called his bluff! For once, husband was on the same page. difficult child never tried that again. All I can say is, we were betrayed and dishonored by our own son, and we had foolishly been crawling back to him, instead of the other way around. The therapist's well-meaning advice just seemed so counterintuitive to us, but we were inexperienced and thought the "professional" must know better, instead of trusting our instincts. It sends the wrong message - if difficult child isn't contrite, then I wouldn't meet him for dinner. It also tells your younger child that you're willing to capitulate to foolishness. My son was a victimizer who was adept at playing the victim. Once we put a stop to that, dumped the therapist, set and enforced rules, the game changed, but I'll tell you, I will [B]never[/B] trust difficult child again in my life. If he can do what he did to his PARENTS and SISTER, he can do anything - without a conscience. We have a superficial relationship most of the time, and husband and I always assume if he's personable, he's playing us for something. What a shame, because we put our heart and soul into parenting and he just doesn't appreciate it. [/QUOTE]
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