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<blockquote data-quote="SearchingForRainbows" data-source="post: 217532" data-attributes="member: 3388"><p>Totoro,</p><p></p><p>I think it is great that you found this site while your children are still young. You're way ahead of where I was when my difficult children were small. I know that whatever decisions you make concerning your girls, will be the right ones for your family. You are a a super <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/Graemlins/warrior.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":warrior:" title="warrior :warrior:" data-shortname=":warrior:" /> mom!!!</p><p></p><p>You brought up an excellent point in the beginning when you asked if detachment is the right thing to do when we have mentally ill children. in my humble opinion, I think no matter how mentally ill our children are, we have to detach to some degree. I think we have to take care of our own needs too. Besides, we won't be around forever, and hopefully, our children will out live us. No matter what their diags are, they're going to need to learn how to survive and be happy in this world.</p><p></p><p>I have personal experience in this area because I have a mentally ill uncle. My mother's mother spent her entire life taking care of him. He never learned to live on his own. When she died, he was placed in a nursing home. To some extent, my grandmother was the most selfish woman I know. She said more than once that as long as she wasn't around to see what happens to him, she didn't care. Before my grandfather died, he tried to get relatives to live with my uncle - He offered to pay them. No one wanted to do this for all the money in the world!!! My uncle could be a violent and dangerous man (Unfortunately I have first hand experience in this area.)</p><p></p><p>The point is, my mother's parents never had a life of their own. My grandfather was embarrassed by his son's condition and wanted to hide him from the world and keep it a secret. My grandmother, I don't know if was out of guilt or something else, just "babied" him until the day she died. Her life revolved around whether my uncle was having a good or bad day. She was a bitter, selfish woman. She did absolutely nothing to prepare him for life without her. She didn't care.</p><p></p><p>I also think that aside from what is right for our children, all of us deserve to have happiness in our lives. We shouldn't have to have our adult mentally ill children living in our homes. This doesn't mean that we shouldn't help them. It just means that we should be able to have a "life" too.</p><p></p><p>Well, I'm rambling - I'm not sure if I'm making sense or if I'm going off on another tangent altogether... WFEN</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SearchingForRainbows, post: 217532, member: 3388"] Totoro, I think it is great that you found this site while your children are still young. You're way ahead of where I was when my difficult children were small. I know that whatever decisions you make concerning your girls, will be the right ones for your family. You are a a super :warrior: mom!!! You brought up an excellent point in the beginning when you asked if detachment is the right thing to do when we have mentally ill children. in my humble opinion, I think no matter how mentally ill our children are, we have to detach to some degree. I think we have to take care of our own needs too. Besides, we won't be around forever, and hopefully, our children will out live us. No matter what their diags are, they're going to need to learn how to survive and be happy in this world. I have personal experience in this area because I have a mentally ill uncle. My mother's mother spent her entire life taking care of him. He never learned to live on his own. When she died, he was placed in a nursing home. To some extent, my grandmother was the most selfish woman I know. She said more than once that as long as she wasn't around to see what happens to him, she didn't care. Before my grandfather died, he tried to get relatives to live with my uncle - He offered to pay them. No one wanted to do this for all the money in the world!!! My uncle could be a violent and dangerous man (Unfortunately I have first hand experience in this area.) The point is, my mother's parents never had a life of their own. My grandfather was embarrassed by his son's condition and wanted to hide him from the world and keep it a secret. My grandmother, I don't know if was out of guilt or something else, just "babied" him until the day she died. Her life revolved around whether my uncle was having a good or bad day. She was a bitter, selfish woman. She did absolutely nothing to prepare him for life without her. She didn't care. I also think that aside from what is right for our children, all of us deserve to have happiness in our lives. We shouldn't have to have our adult mentally ill children living in our homes. This doesn't mean that we shouldn't help them. It just means that we should be able to have a "life" too. Well, I'm rambling - I'm not sure if I'm making sense or if I'm going off on another tangent altogether... WFEN [/QUOTE]
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