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Thinking of cutting off communications with difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="Tiredof33" data-source="post: 616392" data-attributes="member: 13558"><p>Yes, my son went no contact for about a year and now I just get superficial texts. My son was difficult from the time he was born and just got worse each year, the teen years were hell.</p><p></p><p>I had him in every program I could and he was court ordered to rehab twice. One he walked out after 9 months (just 3 weeks left to finish) and it was extended for another 3 months.</p><p></p><p>My son stole from me and helped his friends completely wipe out my apartment. I retired and moved away and he appeared to be doing better. Then the economy went sour and he was laid off 4 times in one year.</p><p></p><p>He was in a turbulent relationship and I met her once, was not impressed! She started texting me for money and how bad a mother I was blah, blah, blah. I was beginning to suspect they were using and drinking a lot. They had a fight and her and the mother put all of his belongings outside and most was stolen. He said he was homeless and couch surfing.</p><p></p><p>He had enrolled on college and I was trying to help him finish the semester. I had to call the police to stop the girlfriend's harassment and I found out the truth. He had been enrolled in college, but not for the past 3 months that I had been sending a lot of money for. And he was living with girlfriend and her mother again. They were partying all night with my money and sleeping all day. No one was even looking for work! He was posting very strange messages on FB and leaving weird messages on phones.</p><p></p><p>He denied everything and threatened suicide if I did not send money and I replied go to a homeless shelter. I called the police and he told them he was not suicidal. I called suicide hotlines and found centers and clinics in his area and gave them to him. Paid for the first visit myself. He lied and did not show.</p><p></p><p>I was so stressed and my health was affected. He actually went no contact with me, to spite me I'm sure. He completely stopped all contact with fam and friends. I used the year to focus on me and my enabling. He contacted me after about a year and he is working now and so far has not asked for money.</p><p></p><p>I've accepted my son as he is HOWEVER I will not in any way help him to live this life style. He is still with girlfriend and he text me that he was in a program, then he posts on FB that they were moving to Denver lol! I was very hurt when the lies and conns started all over again and angry with myself for allowing him to treat me that way. He is very manipulative and can look you straight in the eyes and lie!</p><p></p><p>Any contact with him leads to manipulation for money, yet they still attend all concerts around. The no contact hurt and I was very sad, fell into a depression, then I decided I have the right to a life, and one that makes me happy! I have learned to detach with love, and realise there is nothing I can do to make him live a life that I want him too.</p><p></p><p>I am in no way suggesting you go NC, it is a decision you need to make yourself. For me, it was time well spent and my son is today doing better than he was when I was 'helping'.</p><p></p><p>I recommend counseling for everyone with these children. My story confuses people and they think I have stopped loving my son and turned my back on him (I have been told this) but it isn't true, I love him very much, I just finally accepted what I was doing wasn't helping. I pray each day that this will be the day he turns his life around for the better..........</p><p>(((hugs and blessings)))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tiredof33, post: 616392, member: 13558"] Yes, my son went no contact for about a year and now I just get superficial texts. My son was difficult from the time he was born and just got worse each year, the teen years were hell. I had him in every program I could and he was court ordered to rehab twice. One he walked out after 9 months (just 3 weeks left to finish) and it was extended for another 3 months. My son stole from me and helped his friends completely wipe out my apartment. I retired and moved away and he appeared to be doing better. Then the economy went sour and he was laid off 4 times in one year. He was in a turbulent relationship and I met her once, was not impressed! She started texting me for money and how bad a mother I was blah, blah, blah. I was beginning to suspect they were using and drinking a lot. They had a fight and her and the mother put all of his belongings outside and most was stolen. He said he was homeless and couch surfing. He had enrolled on college and I was trying to help him finish the semester. I had to call the police to stop the girlfriend's harassment and I found out the truth. He had been enrolled in college, but not for the past 3 months that I had been sending a lot of money for. And he was living with girlfriend and her mother again. They were partying all night with my money and sleeping all day. No one was even looking for work! He was posting very strange messages on FB and leaving weird messages on phones. He denied everything and threatened suicide if I did not send money and I replied go to a homeless shelter. I called the police and he told them he was not suicidal. I called suicide hotlines and found centers and clinics in his area and gave them to him. Paid for the first visit myself. He lied and did not show. I was so stressed and my health was affected. He actually went no contact with me, to spite me I'm sure. He completely stopped all contact with fam and friends. I used the year to focus on me and my enabling. He contacted me after about a year and he is working now and so far has not asked for money. I've accepted my son as he is HOWEVER I will not in any way help him to live this life style. He is still with girlfriend and he text me that he was in a program, then he posts on FB that they were moving to Denver lol! I was very hurt when the lies and conns started all over again and angry with myself for allowing him to treat me that way. He is very manipulative and can look you straight in the eyes and lie! Any contact with him leads to manipulation for money, yet they still attend all concerts around. The no contact hurt and I was very sad, fell into a depression, then I decided I have the right to a life, and one that makes me happy! I have learned to detach with love, and realise there is nothing I can do to make him live a life that I want him too. I am in no way suggesting you go NC, it is a decision you need to make yourself. For me, it was time well spent and my son is today doing better than he was when I was 'helping'. I recommend counseling for everyone with these children. My story confuses people and they think I have stopped loving my son and turned my back on him (I have been told this) but it isn't true, I love him very much, I just finally accepted what I was doing wasn't helping. I pray each day that this will be the day he turns his life around for the better.......... (((hugs and blessings))) [/QUOTE]
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