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This is a freaking soap opera
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 608674" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I think your gut gave you wonderful advice when it told you to go take a bath. I know how awful it feels to have them go off on you, esp when it is a totally different reaction than you are used to when they are angry. </p><p></p><p>I don't remember all the history, but in my opinion there are drugs or some other major factor working against you here. Could be drugs and this crazy girlfriend, I don't know. But the insistence on a motel is not just for sex. In the meetings I have attended, other parents always see their kids heading to motels or certain locations when the drug use is going on. Those who have daus or gay sons also see prostitution when their kids are in motels. It breaks their hearts, but all they can do is insist on safe adult behavior in their homes and not enabling and having accountability. Without that, well, there is no incentive to stop. </p><p></p><p>I have heard one thing on various tv shows about addiction and from others in the 12 Step world that you cannot have a drug habit with-o help because it is just too expensive and you end up in jail/prison/rock bottom and eventually wanting help. A complete change in his behavior when angry is a HUGE red flag for drugs. Drugs make you fly off the handle the way your son did when all his life up to now he got cold and would just withdraw from you when he was angry. So it sounds like drugs may be one factor here. Given that drugs may be involved, you may want to consider telling him that he gets zero financial support unless/until he can prove he is not using any illegal substances and not drinking alcohol. Without financial help, he cannot afford to get high/drunk because it costs a fortune. He may break the law to get $$ for his substance of choice, but that has other consequences and those may help motivate him to change hsi ways.</p><p></p><p>Your son is having the type of toddler tantrum that we all hate. You are responding beautifully by telling him that the drama has to go and he cannot behave that way in your home and neither can his friends/girlfriends. I don't give a piece of used toilet paper if every other parent in your state allows this behavior (and they don't, but the kids always claim they 'all' do because 1 or 2 of the kids have idiots for parents who do allow this garbage, Know what I mean??), you are totally doing the right thing by refusing to tolerate it.</p><p></p><p>I hope he gets his head on straight, but even if he does not, you are doing the right thing by not tolerating his abusive behavior or his abusive girlfriend. He has to make mistakes to learn, and hopefully he will learn sooner rather than later. But even if it is later, you are doing all that you can do for him. He is an adult now and has to make his way in the world.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 608674, member: 1233"] I think your gut gave you wonderful advice when it told you to go take a bath. I know how awful it feels to have them go off on you, esp when it is a totally different reaction than you are used to when they are angry. I don't remember all the history, but in my opinion there are drugs or some other major factor working against you here. Could be drugs and this crazy girlfriend, I don't know. But the insistence on a motel is not just for sex. In the meetings I have attended, other parents always see their kids heading to motels or certain locations when the drug use is going on. Those who have daus or gay sons also see prostitution when their kids are in motels. It breaks their hearts, but all they can do is insist on safe adult behavior in their homes and not enabling and having accountability. Without that, well, there is no incentive to stop. I have heard one thing on various tv shows about addiction and from others in the 12 Step world that you cannot have a drug habit with-o help because it is just too expensive and you end up in jail/prison/rock bottom and eventually wanting help. A complete change in his behavior when angry is a HUGE red flag for drugs. Drugs make you fly off the handle the way your son did when all his life up to now he got cold and would just withdraw from you when he was angry. So it sounds like drugs may be one factor here. Given that drugs may be involved, you may want to consider telling him that he gets zero financial support unless/until he can prove he is not using any illegal substances and not drinking alcohol. Without financial help, he cannot afford to get high/drunk because it costs a fortune. He may break the law to get $$ for his substance of choice, but that has other consequences and those may help motivate him to change hsi ways. Your son is having the type of toddler tantrum that we all hate. You are responding beautifully by telling him that the drama has to go and he cannot behave that way in your home and neither can his friends/girlfriends. I don't give a piece of used toilet paper if every other parent in your state allows this behavior (and they don't, but the kids always claim they 'all' do because 1 or 2 of the kids have idiots for parents who do allow this garbage, Know what I mean??), you are totally doing the right thing by refusing to tolerate it. I hope he gets his head on straight, but even if he does not, you are doing the right thing by not tolerating his abusive behavior or his abusive girlfriend. He has to make mistakes to learn, and hopefully he will learn sooner rather than later. But even if it is later, you are doing all that you can do for him. He is an adult now and has to make his way in the world. [/QUOTE]
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