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<blockquote data-quote="flutterbee" data-source="post: 74842"><p>Bio-mom needs to have some ground rules set. It's not fair to anyone, especially the kids, for her to just show up (or call, as in this case) out of the blue and expect to see them when it's convenient for her because she decides that she misses them. If she can't stick to a regular visitation schedule because of her housing situation, then she needs to contact you or husband to arrange a visit. She should not be trying to arrange it through the kids. That is so incredibly unfair to everyone involved and hurtful for the kids.</p><p></p><p>Regarding the 12 year old, some of that is typical teen (typical teen) behavior in the not being able to please her (either you don't care or she hates you). However, it's probably very magnified by her mental health issues and the change in her living situation. The only advice I can offer here is lots and lots of patience. She feels abandoned by her mother (I'm guessing) yet she still feels loyalty to her mother and allowing you to get close to her would be disloyal. It's not personal. It's a manifestation - symptoms, if you will - of everything she is struggling to deal with. I'm not suggesting that you should allow bad behavior, just try to understand that it's not a personal attack. Easier said than done in the midst of a rage, I know. been there done that.</p><p></p><p>I haven't had any personal experience with Richland Co MH, but it doesn't sound like that's going very well. Have you looked into private psychiatrists and therapists? I know that Toledo Children's is supposed to have a really good behavioral health center (in fact Toledo Children's is associated with NCTSN - National Child Traumatic Stress Network - and works with PTSD in children). Maybe try contacting them or Columbus Children's to see if they can give you any referrals to anyone in your area.</p><p></p><p>Hang in there. It's tough.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="flutterbee, post: 74842"] Bio-mom needs to have some ground rules set. It's not fair to anyone, especially the kids, for her to just show up (or call, as in this case) out of the blue and expect to see them when it's convenient for her because she decides that she misses them. If she can't stick to a regular visitation schedule because of her housing situation, then she needs to contact you or husband to arrange a visit. She should not be trying to arrange it through the kids. That is so incredibly unfair to everyone involved and hurtful for the kids. Regarding the 12 year old, some of that is typical teen (typical teen) behavior in the not being able to please her (either you don't care or she hates you). However, it's probably very magnified by her mental health issues and the change in her living situation. The only advice I can offer here is lots and lots of patience. She feels abandoned by her mother (I'm guessing) yet she still feels loyalty to her mother and allowing you to get close to her would be disloyal. It's not personal. It's a manifestation - symptoms, if you will - of everything she is struggling to deal with. I'm not suggesting that you should allow bad behavior, just try to understand that it's not a personal attack. Easier said than done in the midst of a rage, I know. been there done that. I haven't had any personal experience with Richland Co MH, but it doesn't sound like that's going very well. Have you looked into private psychiatrists and therapists? I know that Toledo Children's is supposed to have a really good behavioral health center (in fact Toledo Children's is associated with NCTSN - National Child Traumatic Stress Network - and works with PTSD in children). Maybe try contacting them or Columbus Children's to see if they can give you any referrals to anyone in your area. Hang in there. It's tough. [/QUOTE]
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