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Parent Emeritus
This is hard...why is this so hard?
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 752030" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>People have said here on this forum in the years I have been here that our kids don't learn or respond to all of the ways that we want to love them and to teach them. To them, our "normal" kind of love and guidance is toxic and our loving them in the regular way leads to all kinds of abuse of us on their part or other kinds of misbehavior. They suffer. We suffer. So. To compare our kids with the "walk through fire" kids is to compare apples and oranges. We have walked through fire. We have ended up singed and burned and our kids react by exploding.</p><p></p><p>So. If you want to torture yourself by this kind of thinking...that you need to keep doing something that leads to massive disasters, be my guest.</p><p></p><p>Our learning on this site is about another kind of love. The love that entails sitting tight. The love that entails modeling good boundaries. The love that entails holding ones own. The love that entails patience and silence and containment. The love that entails being and not doing. The love that entails trusting (ourselves and them) and faith. The love that entails stillness. The love that entails wholeness.</p><p></p><p>This kind of love is HARD, HARD, HARD. Oh how much easier it is to run through fire. Where all we have to do is react. And call the fire department.</p><p></p><p>What you are doing is heroic. And you ARE doing it. We all of us are doing it. Even me. Sometimes.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 752030, member: 18958"] People have said here on this forum in the years I have been here that our kids don't learn or respond to all of the ways that we want to love them and to teach them. To them, our "normal" kind of love and guidance is toxic and our loving them in the regular way leads to all kinds of abuse of us on their part or other kinds of misbehavior. They suffer. We suffer. So. To compare our kids with the "walk through fire" kids is to compare apples and oranges. We have walked through fire. We have ended up singed and burned and our kids react by exploding. So. If you want to torture yourself by this kind of thinking...that you need to keep doing something that leads to massive disasters, be my guest. Our learning on this site is about another kind of love. The love that entails sitting tight. The love that entails modeling good boundaries. The love that entails holding ones own. The love that entails patience and silence and containment. The love that entails being and not doing. The love that entails trusting (ourselves and them) and faith. The love that entails stillness. The love that entails wholeness. This kind of love is HARD, HARD, HARD. Oh how much easier it is to run through fire. Where all we have to do is react. And call the fire department. What you are doing is heroic. And you ARE doing it. We all of us are doing it. Even me. Sometimes. [/QUOTE]
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This is hard...why is this so hard?
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