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This is just getting too much...laypeople diagnosing others (I am guilty too)
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 653446" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Suzir and everyone,</p><p>Besides the star I gave you, I want to say that his is EXACTLY what I mean. If somebody wants to paint you as borderline and tells somebody that you are (or narcissistic) you can not defend yourself. We have all done things that may sound a little crazy. The people use those examples to prove to others, who may or may not know you, that you are borderline. And, frankly, almost any sort of dramatic behavior can be called borderline, even if it's not. That is why labeling people with these indefensible</p><p>disorders is dangerous and meant to harm. What if your place of work hears about this? I'm fortunate that way, but many people would be judged harshly by a boss. But ONLY if a real psychiatrist made the diagnosis, not if Joe Brother is PO'd at how his brother behaved last Thanksgiving.</p><p></p><p>Most of the time the person has never been diagnosed by a therapist, but the teller doesn't explain that fact. Also, in reading a particular forum, I noticed that the tellers make these so-called undiagnosed borderlines 100% bad. They never bring up the good things they've done. My God, you'd think each and every person that these people describe is TED BUNDY'S CLONE! Nobody these tellers dislike and leave have ever done a good turn in their lives. Why? Well, if they told the good things, then the others wouldn't be so quick to judge them as undiagnosed borderlines.</p><p></p><p>I made the mistake of telling a family member I think I had borderline when I was younger and my sister goes around shouting it to the moon, although I have been told since then by many professionals that this is not true...that if I had it I would not have had two very long term friends (one friendship ended due to death) or two long term marriages or good relationships with most of my kids, except for the one who could not be helped as he had attachment disorder, something that is always conveniently left out when she is trying to paint me in dramatic light. I was told flat out borderlines don't have long term relations, they self-abuse, they try suicide, most substance abuse, and that I am definitely NOT borderline. Now I do have a mood disorder and until she heard of borderline, she used to run around telling people I had bipolar. I don't have that either, but it is closer to the truth. A mood disorder is a mental illness. I have never even tried to deny that. </p><p></p><p>I may have some traits. I'll bet she does too. And I know our mother did, but at least it wasn't popular to use t </p><p>hat terminology back then or she would have heard it. Enough is enough. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>To label somebody who you don't like or don't approve of with a personality disorder is to put the person in an unwindable situation. Yet there are support groups out there for supposedly "normal" (cough) people to talk smack about their UNDIAGNOSED borderline in thier llife. And unlike here, where we consider no contact a last resort and certainly not forever if you can help it, these forums highly laud and recommend tossing out people you once loved or who once loved you out of their lives forever.</p><p></p><p>Stable, balanced people (raise your hand if you know anybody like that <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /> ) do not hang around with high drama, cruel, hurtful people. They don't choose to date them. They don't choose to befriend them. They do not choice to do much more than be polite to them in public. So who are these people who have so-called undiagnosed borderlines/anarchistic, paranoids, passive aggressive, etc. in their lives?</p><p></p><p>The good part of this for me was to re-evaluate ever using these words to describe anybody, including myself and my family. Something was definitely wrong with my family of origin...it was toxic and sick to me and caused me trauma that still comes to me in my dreams, like a solider who has been in the war...obviously I did not have THAT degree of trauma and won't demean vets by saying so. It's just that I still, at my age, have horrible dreams about my mother doing horrible things to me and scaring me and I'm a little kid again. All I can label my family, in relation to me, is mean. I am not qualified to label anyone as anything else. So I learned something yet again <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> The great thing about life (one of the great things) is that you are never too old to gain new understanding and this throwing around of dangerous labels, with nothing to back it up, is not something I ever again want to participate in. I'll stick to...Suzir...what as it? Ratbag? <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> I like that better.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 653446, member: 1550"] Suzir and everyone, Besides the star I gave you, I want to say that his is EXACTLY what I mean. If somebody wants to paint you as borderline and tells somebody that you are (or narcissistic) you can not defend yourself. We have all done things that may sound a little crazy. The people use those examples to prove to others, who may or may not know you, that you are borderline. And, frankly, almost any sort of dramatic behavior can be called borderline, even if it's not. That is why labeling people with these indefensible disorders is dangerous and meant to harm. What if your place of work hears about this? I'm fortunate that way, but many people would be judged harshly by a boss. But ONLY if a real psychiatrist made the diagnosis, not if Joe Brother is PO'd at how his brother behaved last Thanksgiving. Most of the time the person has never been diagnosed by a therapist, but the teller doesn't explain that fact. Also, in reading a particular forum, I noticed that the tellers make these so-called undiagnosed borderlines 100% bad. They never bring up the good things they've done. My God, you'd think each and every person that these people describe is TED BUNDY'S CLONE! Nobody these tellers dislike and leave have ever done a good turn in their lives. Why? Well, if they told the good things, then the others wouldn't be so quick to judge them as undiagnosed borderlines. I made the mistake of telling a family member I think I had borderline when I was younger and my sister goes around shouting it to the moon, although I have been told since then by many professionals that this is not true...that if I had it I would not have had two very long term friends (one friendship ended due to death) or two long term marriages or good relationships with most of my kids, except for the one who could not be helped as he had attachment disorder, something that is always conveniently left out when she is trying to paint me in dramatic light. I was told flat out borderlines don't have long term relations, they self-abuse, they try suicide, most substance abuse, and that I am definitely NOT borderline. Now I do have a mood disorder and until she heard of borderline, she used to run around telling people I had bipolar. I don't have that either, but it is closer to the truth. A mood disorder is a mental illness. I have never even tried to deny that. I may have some traits. I'll bet she does too. And I know our mother did, but at least it wasn't popular to use t hat terminology back then or she would have heard it. Enough is enough. To label somebody who you don't like or don't approve of with a personality disorder is to put the person in an unwindable situation. Yet there are support groups out there for supposedly "normal" (cough) people to talk smack about their UNDIAGNOSED borderline in thier llife. And unlike here, where we consider no contact a last resort and certainly not forever if you can help it, these forums highly laud and recommend tossing out people you once loved or who once loved you out of their lives forever. Stable, balanced people (raise your hand if you know anybody like that ;) ) do not hang around with high drama, cruel, hurtful people. They don't choose to date them. They don't choose to befriend them. They do not choice to do much more than be polite to them in public. So who are these people who have so-called undiagnosed borderlines/anarchistic, paranoids, passive aggressive, etc. in their lives? The good part of this for me was to re-evaluate ever using these words to describe anybody, including myself and my family. Something was definitely wrong with my family of origin...it was toxic and sick to me and caused me trauma that still comes to me in my dreams, like a solider who has been in the war...obviously I did not have THAT degree of trauma and won't demean vets by saying so. It's just that I still, at my age, have horrible dreams about my mother doing horrible things to me and scaring me and I'm a little kid again. All I can label my family, in relation to me, is mean. I am not qualified to label anyone as anything else. So I learned something yet again :) The great thing about life (one of the great things) is that you are never too old to gain new understanding and this throwing around of dangerous labels, with nothing to back it up, is not something I ever again want to participate in. I'll stick to...Suzir...what as it? Ratbag? :) I like that better. [/QUOTE]
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This is just getting too much...laypeople diagnosing others (I am guilty too)
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