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This is never going to end is it?
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<blockquote data-quote="JKF" data-source="post: 562811" data-attributes="member: 12470"><p>I would not wish this feeling on my very worst enemy. It is h*ll. I was ok for a little bit earlier. Actually tried to derail my thoughts as RE suggested. It worked for a while. I was able to talk myself out of the negative thoughts and focus on other things. I may be able to master that with more practice but right now the guilt, fear and anxiety are slowly creeping up on me again. My heart feels like its going to pound right out of my chest. It's dark. It's freezing cold. I don't know if difficult child is ok or not. I have the worst headache. Hubby wants to get romantic and I can't even begin to stand the thought of that. I almost want to slap him because he doesn't feel the crushing grief that I feel right now. Uggggh! If difficult child can get through the weekend and I can somehow make contact with him we'll hopefully be able to get him on a bus to NJ on Monday. The CMO said they can hopefully put him up in a hotel or room until they can figure out a more permanent solution. But how will I contact him to let him know? How can I help him? I can't. Omg. I can't help my own son and he's homeless in the freezing cold streets of one of the poorest cities in the nation. I haven't felt this devastated in a very long time. The last time I felt like this was 7 years ago when my mother died suddenly in her sleep. I know difficult child is alive but I feel such loss and intense grief right now and I don't know how I will ever be ok again until he's ok.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="JKF, post: 562811, member: 12470"] I would not wish this feeling on my very worst enemy. It is h*ll. I was ok for a little bit earlier. Actually tried to derail my thoughts as RE suggested. It worked for a while. I was able to talk myself out of the negative thoughts and focus on other things. I may be able to master that with more practice but right now the guilt, fear and anxiety are slowly creeping up on me again. My heart feels like its going to pound right out of my chest. It's dark. It's freezing cold. I don't know if difficult child is ok or not. I have the worst headache. Hubby wants to get romantic and I can't even begin to stand the thought of that. I almost want to slap him because he doesn't feel the crushing grief that I feel right now. Uggggh! If difficult child can get through the weekend and I can somehow make contact with him we'll hopefully be able to get him on a bus to NJ on Monday. The CMO said they can hopefully put him up in a hotel or room until they can figure out a more permanent solution. But how will I contact him to let him know? How can I help him? I can't. Omg. I can't help my own son and he's homeless in the freezing cold streets of one of the poorest cities in the nation. I haven't felt this devastated in a very long time. The last time I felt like this was 7 years ago when my mother died suddenly in her sleep. I know difficult child is alive but I feel such loss and intense grief right now and I don't know how I will ever be ok again until he's ok. [/QUOTE]
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