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This is so hard on my marriage
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<blockquote data-quote="sjexpress" data-source="post: 529336"><p>Sadly we too have the same problem here. husband and I do not respond the same way when difficult child is being gfgish. husband is so out of patience with difficult child that he immediately gets mad himself and this causes the situation to escalate. husband and difficult child are like oil and water. I feel like I am always telling husband to "let me handle it" to which husband replies that oh, he is not a good parent and his father never would have tolerated this behavior from him, etc... difficult child easily pushes husband buttons by being disrespectful by telling him to shut up or calling him an idiot and refusing to do what husband asks him too. It's a bad situation and it is truly causing distance between husband and I. Not that I always handle difficult child correctly but things don't escalate as much with me dealing with it. Like if easy child and I lock ourselves in a room and difficult child is banging on it, I just stay in there and remain calm for easy child. But, if husband is on the outside of the door with difficult child, rather than go to another room himself till it blows over, he tries to restrain difficult child and this causes difficult child to get more aggressive and angry even though I am saying thru the door to husband to go some where else! A big part of the problem is husband does not believe that difficult child has trouble controlling himself or that he has a mental disability. He feels it is all big act just so we give in and give him what he wants. I believe some of it is true but there are more instances that I know difficult child can't help himself. With all the help we sought for difficult child, husband rarely went and just uh huhed me when I told him what was discussed. He feels if difficult child can controll himself some times, he should be able to do it all the time and he has zero tolerance for it. It is definitly not easy to not only deal with difficult child but to referee between difficult child and husband.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="sjexpress, post: 529336"] Sadly we too have the same problem here. husband and I do not respond the same way when difficult child is being gfgish. husband is so out of patience with difficult child that he immediately gets mad himself and this causes the situation to escalate. husband and difficult child are like oil and water. I feel like I am always telling husband to "let me handle it" to which husband replies that oh, he is not a good parent and his father never would have tolerated this behavior from him, etc... difficult child easily pushes husband buttons by being disrespectful by telling him to shut up or calling him an idiot and refusing to do what husband asks him too. It's a bad situation and it is truly causing distance between husband and I. Not that I always handle difficult child correctly but things don't escalate as much with me dealing with it. Like if easy child and I lock ourselves in a room and difficult child is banging on it, I just stay in there and remain calm for easy child. But, if husband is on the outside of the door with difficult child, rather than go to another room himself till it blows over, he tries to restrain difficult child and this causes difficult child to get more aggressive and angry even though I am saying thru the door to husband to go some where else! A big part of the problem is husband does not believe that difficult child has trouble controlling himself or that he has a mental disability. He feels it is all big act just so we give in and give him what he wants. I believe some of it is true but there are more instances that I know difficult child can't help himself. With all the help we sought for difficult child, husband rarely went and just uh huhed me when I told him what was discussed. He feels if difficult child can controll himself some times, he should be able to do it all the time and he has zero tolerance for it. It is definitly not easy to not only deal with difficult child but to referee between difficult child and husband. [/QUOTE]
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