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This is so hard on my marriage
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<blockquote data-quote="bigbear11" data-source="post: 529515"><p>Wow... I would so love to be able to say that husband and I didn't have the same issues... but that wouldn't be true. husband also feels that Trex can control more than she does. He does agree that once it gets to a certain point that she can't. Sometimes I think he is right. However, it doesn't mean that we are always on the same page. We both have our bad days but generaly speaking I have more patience with TRex than he does. Most times he will engage with her leading to more name calling, yelling, yada yada and ending up spanking which just escalates more. I am not against spaning (I turned out fine) but if it doesn't work.... ?? When I try to say let me handle this then he takes it as I don't trust him or think he is a good parent. Definately can cause problems and stress. He gets mad at himself, I'm a crier ... its not pretty. It is amazing how a 9yo TRex can bring two educated adults full of life experience right back to childish behavior themselves. Plus I certainly lost my temper with TRex plenty of times myself and have been ashamed of the way I handled it afterward. </p><p></p><p>What helps us as we ride the roller coaster of all these emotions is to remember that we are both trying to do the best we can in a VERY tough situation. We also try to be careful of the words we choose as we talk about what happened....way to easy to be accusatory and "I'm better than you". Also, regardless of whether or not she can control (that is an ongoing debate).. we try to remember that the point of "discipline" is to teach not yell or be physical in anger. If what either one of us is doing is in anger or is not "teaching" then we are not doing the right thing. Believe me... in the heat of the moment we can get very upset at each other during and after one of TRex's rages but afterwards and we all cool down it does help to be able to talk about things in this manner.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="bigbear11, post: 529515"] Wow... I would so love to be able to say that husband and I didn't have the same issues... but that wouldn't be true. husband also feels that Trex can control more than she does. He does agree that once it gets to a certain point that she can't. Sometimes I think he is right. However, it doesn't mean that we are always on the same page. We both have our bad days but generaly speaking I have more patience with TRex than he does. Most times he will engage with her leading to more name calling, yelling, yada yada and ending up spanking which just escalates more. I am not against spaning (I turned out fine) but if it doesn't work.... ?? When I try to say let me handle this then he takes it as I don't trust him or think he is a good parent. Definately can cause problems and stress. He gets mad at himself, I'm a crier ... its not pretty. It is amazing how a 9yo TRex can bring two educated adults full of life experience right back to childish behavior themselves. Plus I certainly lost my temper with TRex plenty of times myself and have been ashamed of the way I handled it afterward. What helps us as we ride the roller coaster of all these emotions is to remember that we are both trying to do the best we can in a VERY tough situation. We also try to be careful of the words we choose as we talk about what happened....way to easy to be accusatory and "I'm better than you". Also, regardless of whether or not she can control (that is an ongoing debate).. we try to remember that the point of "discipline" is to teach not yell or be physical in anger. If what either one of us is doing is in anger or is not "teaching" then we are not doing the right thing. Believe me... in the heat of the moment we can get very upset at each other during and after one of TRex's rages but afterwards and we all cool down it does help to be able to talk about things in this manner. [/QUOTE]
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