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Thoughts about forgiving myself and my son
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<blockquote data-quote="MissLulu" data-source="post: 753739" data-attributes="member: 24721"><p>Thanks so much for replying, Copa. I have read many of your posts and they have often helped me. (It took me a long time to get up the courage to post here, and I still struggle with posting my thoughts publicly - even though it helps when I do.)</p><p></p><p>I am struggling with acceptance. I understand that if I am ever to have peace, acceptance must come first. I think the struggle for me (and perhaps all of us) is making my heart accept what my head knows.</p><p></p><p>I so desperately want to define my life as separate to his. I hope that when he moves out of home that this will become easier (not easy, but easier). But I also know that when he goes there will be different worries. Is he going to work? Is he sober? Is he staying out of trouble? I know these things are his business not mine. But my heart wants him to to have the basic comforts of life - food, shelter, meaningful work - and I can't help but worry that he will devolve once he leaves home.</p><p></p><p>I have a wonderful life aside from this one huge burden that is my child. (I hate to speak of him this way but it's the truth.) I am happily married, have two other sons (who are mentally healthy and high achieving). I'm working in the job of my dreams. I so want to enjoy the good things I have (and am incredibly grateful for those things) but still I walk around each day with a stone of dread in my stomach.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="MissLulu, post: 753739, member: 24721"] Thanks so much for replying, Copa. I have read many of your posts and they have often helped me. (It took me a long time to get up the courage to post here, and I still struggle with posting my thoughts publicly - even though it helps when I do.) I am struggling with acceptance. I understand that if I am ever to have peace, acceptance must come first. I think the struggle for me (and perhaps all of us) is making my heart accept what my head knows. I so desperately want to define my life as separate to his. I hope that when he moves out of home that this will become easier (not easy, but easier). But I also know that when he goes there will be different worries. Is he going to work? Is he sober? Is he staying out of trouble? I know these things are his business not mine. But my heart wants him to to have the basic comforts of life - food, shelter, meaningful work - and I can't help but worry that he will devolve once he leaves home. I have a wonderful life aside from this one huge burden that is my child. (I hate to speak of him this way but it's the truth.) I am happily married, have two other sons (who are mentally healthy and high achieving). I'm working in the job of my dreams. I so want to enjoy the good things I have (and am incredibly grateful for those things) but still I walk around each day with a stone of dread in my stomach. [/QUOTE]
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