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Three Years Later...an update
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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 764036" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Hi Beta,</p><p>I have been gone for awhile too, needed a break and time to sort through emotions and process events. I have been trying to avoid overwhelm, but it often taunts me. Sometimes I just really need a good cry.</p><p>I’m so sorry for all the pain you have experienced and the most recent blow of your son going off the radar. It is a difficult thing to endure. I remember feeling especially sad when my workmates would speak about their kids going off to college and whatnot. I was happy their kids were doing well, but I was just so consumed by my twos chosen lifestyle and on again off again disappearance. I felt lonely in a room full of workmates and extremely out of place.</p><p>Not much has changed for my two as far as their choices and street life. I have had to compartmentalize as well, to be able to carry on the day to day. Prayer helps me too. It is still hard and I am so sorry for your distress. I am glad that you came back to share what you are going through. I think it helps to write things out and have folks who understand and respond with kindness and gentle advice. Writing here is a purging for me and also a reminder of the work I still need to do. Although I work really hard to build myself up and give my two to God in prayer, there are many moments where the old circular thinking and feelings prevail and I have to just-stop. It’s too much and no way to live. My daughter Tornado many months back on a rare visit told me that I just had to accept her and her sisters addiction and lifestyle. I told her that I have my own processing that I need to work through, because the years have worn me down. It is akin to living a slow, painful emotional death, focusing on the what ifs and not knowing their whereabouts. I explained to her that I loved her deeply, and her sister, but I had to give them both to God, because it is too much for me to bare. I hope you find some respite and time to breath. Are you able to take off of work for some down time? Whatever you can do to help you through this hard time, please do what you need for yourself. It’s so important, the stress of what we deal with can be so debilitating. Take time to process the grief and take good care of yourself. </p><p>Many hugs,</p><p>New Leaf</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 764036, member: 19522"] Hi Beta, I have been gone for awhile too, needed a break and time to sort through emotions and process events. I have been trying to avoid overwhelm, but it often taunts me. Sometimes I just really need a good cry. I’m so sorry for all the pain you have experienced and the most recent blow of your son going off the radar. It is a difficult thing to endure. I remember feeling especially sad when my workmates would speak about their kids going off to college and whatnot. I was happy their kids were doing well, but I was just so consumed by my twos chosen lifestyle and on again off again disappearance. I felt lonely in a room full of workmates and extremely out of place. Not much has changed for my two as far as their choices and street life. I have had to compartmentalize as well, to be able to carry on the day to day. Prayer helps me too. It is still hard and I am so sorry for your distress. I am glad that you came back to share what you are going through. I think it helps to write things out and have folks who understand and respond with kindness and gentle advice. Writing here is a purging for me and also a reminder of the work I still need to do. Although I work really hard to build myself up and give my two to God in prayer, there are many moments where the old circular thinking and feelings prevail and I have to just-stop. It’s too much and no way to live. My daughter Tornado many months back on a rare visit told me that I just had to accept her and her sisters addiction and lifestyle. I told her that I have my own processing that I need to work through, because the years have worn me down. It is akin to living a slow, painful emotional death, focusing on the what ifs and not knowing their whereabouts. I explained to her that I loved her deeply, and her sister, but I had to give them both to God, because it is too much for me to bare. I hope you find some respite and time to breath. Are you able to take off of work for some down time? Whatever you can do to help you through this hard time, please do what you need for yourself. It’s so important, the stress of what we deal with can be so debilitating. Take time to process the grief and take good care of yourself. Many hugs, New Leaf [/QUOTE]
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