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Through difficult child out of the car this morning...
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 421559" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Lucy, </p><p> </p><p>GOOD JOB GIRL! </p><p> </p><p>One thing does come to mind since he's 19 and I'm not sure what the laws are in Oklahoma. Just FYI and you handle it however you want, but just know there may be consequences for YOU - so FYI </p><p> </p><p>1.) A minor child may be considered a runaway and without a police report a PARENT may be liable for NOT reporting him/her. So you may need to call your local police station and make a report DAILY until he returns. This covers YOU (not necessarily him) in case he does something, or something happens to him while he is out of your home. Not sure if 18 is a minor or 21 is a minor in OK. I'd call the police and find out. I know - it's peaceful, but you may still be responsible for him in the eyes of the law. </p><p> </p><p>2.) If he IS a minor? And you change the locks? There is another legal quagmire for you - so ask about that - It sounds good, but in some states it can/could get you into trouble with child protective services. Heck - we considered moving. (not kidding) </p><p> </p><p>3.) If it IS NOT illegal and he is NOT a minor - Change the locks, and LEGALLY box up his stuff and send him written notice with return receipt and give him XX amount of days to claim his belongings. Then if he doesn't get them - donate them. Explain that in the letter. Then curb them or call Salvation Army etc. </p><p> </p><p>4.) RE: Your Mom. Huh? All of a sudden she doesn't want him? No advice? Amazing - guess who has the upper hand now? USE THIS TO YOUR ADVANTAGE - and I mean it. If there is a next time Joseph calls her and hands you the phone? Say something like "Mom, I can't talk right now, Joseph is being disrespectful to me, I'll call you later, or Mom, This conversation is between my son and myself, sorry Joseph is involving you again, this isn't your problem. Mom, Joseph is triangulating you into his problems again like a child, I'll have to call you later (and explain triangulation to her so she knows not to answer his calls for at least 30 minutes)." </p><p> </p><p>5.) IF YOU DO allow him to come back home now? RULES, RULES, RULES and CONSEQUENCES, CONSEQUENCES, CONSEQUENCES, - and GOALS, GOALS, GOALS - and STICK TO THEM WITH DATES - and post them on the fridge. make a copy - and YOU AND HIM SIGN - and don't waiver -------he breaks a rule - it's a done deal. He wanted to be Mr. Big - LET HIM. He's 19 - lots of kids find their way at 19 - </p><p> </p><p>Make a list of things you want DONE AROUND YOUR HOUSE - and LET HIM FINISH IT........he's not a doll, he won't break. If something does break - TELL HIM TO FIX IT - and get it done. Tell yourself - the day he left? Is the day he became and claimed HIMSELF a man - so start treating him like one. Apparently that's what he wants - he gets man responsibilities, man treatment, man chores, man goals, man conversation. Man answers. Yes - NO - no long drawn out explainations. </p><p> </p><p>GOT IT? SISTER!~!!!!! </p><p> </p><p>(((((((((((((SENDING YOU POWER!!!!!)))))))))))))))))))) </p><p> </p><p>Like KFLD said - KEEP YOUR GROUND......You fought for it - now keep it!!!!!!!!!! Grrrrrrrrrrrr GRRRRRRrrrrrrr</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 421559, member: 4964"] Lucy, GOOD JOB GIRL! One thing does come to mind since he's 19 and I'm not sure what the laws are in Oklahoma. Just FYI and you handle it however you want, but just know there may be consequences for YOU - so FYI 1.) A minor child may be considered a runaway and without a police report a PARENT may be liable for NOT reporting him/her. So you may need to call your local police station and make a report DAILY until he returns. This covers YOU (not necessarily him) in case he does something, or something happens to him while he is out of your home. Not sure if 18 is a minor or 21 is a minor in OK. I'd call the police and find out. I know - it's peaceful, but you may still be responsible for him in the eyes of the law. 2.) If he IS a minor? And you change the locks? There is another legal quagmire for you - so ask about that - It sounds good, but in some states it can/could get you into trouble with child protective services. Heck - we considered moving. (not kidding) 3.) If it IS NOT illegal and he is NOT a minor - Change the locks, and LEGALLY box up his stuff and send him written notice with return receipt and give him XX amount of days to claim his belongings. Then if he doesn't get them - donate them. Explain that in the letter. Then curb them or call Salvation Army etc. 4.) RE: Your Mom. Huh? All of a sudden she doesn't want him? No advice? Amazing - guess who has the upper hand now? USE THIS TO YOUR ADVANTAGE - and I mean it. If there is a next time Joseph calls her and hands you the phone? Say something like "Mom, I can't talk right now, Joseph is being disrespectful to me, I'll call you later, or Mom, This conversation is between my son and myself, sorry Joseph is involving you again, this isn't your problem. Mom, Joseph is triangulating you into his problems again like a child, I'll have to call you later (and explain triangulation to her so she knows not to answer his calls for at least 30 minutes)." 5.) IF YOU DO allow him to come back home now? RULES, RULES, RULES and CONSEQUENCES, CONSEQUENCES, CONSEQUENCES, - and GOALS, GOALS, GOALS - and STICK TO THEM WITH DATES - and post them on the fridge. make a copy - and YOU AND HIM SIGN - and don't waiver -------he breaks a rule - it's a done deal. He wanted to be Mr. Big - LET HIM. He's 19 - lots of kids find their way at 19 - Make a list of things you want DONE AROUND YOUR HOUSE - and LET HIM FINISH IT........he's not a doll, he won't break. If something does break - TELL HIM TO FIX IT - and get it done. Tell yourself - the day he left? Is the day he became and claimed HIMSELF a man - so start treating him like one. Apparently that's what he wants - he gets man responsibilities, man treatment, man chores, man goals, man conversation. Man answers. Yes - NO - no long drawn out explainations. GOT IT? SISTER!~!!!!! (((((((((((((SENDING YOU POWER!!!!!)))))))))))))))))))) Like KFLD said - KEEP YOUR GROUND......You fought for it - now keep it!!!!!!!!!! Grrrrrrrrrrrr GRRRRRRrrrrrrr [/QUOTE]
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Through difficult child out of the car this morning...
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