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Tiptoeing to a new place with difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 621886" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I think the best thing to do is to forget about what your son has done in the past or perhaps will do in the future when you are with him. (And hope he didn't come by to get $20 too!). If he is really there just to have a meal with you, I'd try to focus on the NOW and enjoy rather superficial conversation and keep it pleasant. You can't make him get his life together, but you don't have to resent it either. I had to learn this one and it wasn't easy, but when my grown kids do things I don't approve of, I have learned to let go of it. It's not my business and arguing over it won't change anything and for myself being resentful hurts one person...me.</p><p></p><p>I would radically accept that this is who your son is in this moment of time and just relax. Letting your mind wander to negative times won't change what happened and can interfere with your current situation (lunch with son) and your own mental health. I am trying very hard at this time to practical "wise mind" and "mindfulness" which you may want to look up on the internet. It is very much about living in the moment and being able to see reality for what it is without passing judgment. This is important in dealing with our difficult children. It's a helpful skill that helps you maintain a difficult relationship with somebody who has disappointed you...and not fume over it. On top of that, it allows you the freedom of mind to let the dinner pass once it is over and to get on with your own life. Here is a good article on Radical Acceptance. If you want to learn about it, you can click on the link <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p><p></p><p><a href="http://www.tarabrach.com/articles/trauma.html" target="_blank">http://www.tarabrach.com/articles/trauma.html</a></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I hope I sounded coherent...lol.</p><p></p><p>Disclaimer: Everything I say are my own thoughts and ideas and nobody has to agree with me. They are not attempts to tell you what to do, but just musings.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 621886, member: 1550"] I think the best thing to do is to forget about what your son has done in the past or perhaps will do in the future when you are with him. (And hope he didn't come by to get $20 too!). If he is really there just to have a meal with you, I'd try to focus on the NOW and enjoy rather superficial conversation and keep it pleasant. You can't make him get his life together, but you don't have to resent it either. I had to learn this one and it wasn't easy, but when my grown kids do things I don't approve of, I have learned to let go of it. It's not my business and arguing over it won't change anything and for myself being resentful hurts one person...me. I would radically accept that this is who your son is in this moment of time and just relax. Letting your mind wander to negative times won't change what happened and can interfere with your current situation (lunch with son) and your own mental health. I am trying very hard at this time to practical "wise mind" and "mindfulness" which you may want to look up on the internet. It is very much about living in the moment and being able to see reality for what it is without passing judgment. This is important in dealing with our difficult children. It's a helpful skill that helps you maintain a difficult relationship with somebody who has disappointed you...and not fume over it. On top of that, it allows you the freedom of mind to let the dinner pass once it is over and to get on with your own life. Here is a good article on Radical Acceptance. If you want to learn about it, you can click on the link :) [url]http://www.tarabrach.com/articles/trauma.html[/url] I hope I sounded coherent...lol. Disclaimer: Everything I say are my own thoughts and ideas and nobody has to agree with me. They are not attempts to tell you what to do, but just musings. [/QUOTE]
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