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Tired of parenting explosive pre-teen
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<blockquote data-quote="AgentP" data-source="post: 589541" data-attributes="member: 16202"><p>She is a model citizen at school, highly motivated to learn and please the teacher. She has friends and is very popular, although she and her best friend are at odds lately (the latter is very strong willed and they clashed several times over the last weeks. Both just started to develop so I figure hormones are at play here too).</p><p></p><p>She is super good with little kids and several moms here want her to baby sit as soon as she is old enough. She loves animals and is very gentle with them. When she is moody and explodes she usually is not aggressive towards people but she has hit her brother in the past and swatted me, but usually in reaction to me touching her. She will through things (not directed at people), slam doors, scream, punch the walls etc.</p><p></p><p>She has been in therapy before but we've never found anybody to come up with some working model for us, mainly because she is mostly very well behaved when we are in sessions with her. The only therapist who saw her in action moved away before we really could get started. I feel we mostly need help to parent her more effectively, so that she can learn the skills she is missing to moderate her emotions.</p><p></p><p>daughter and I had a rocky start with breastfeeding after a largely uncomplicated birth but she swallowed meconium and had to be suctioned. I felt out of sync with her in general from the getgo. She'd nurse, then scream her head off, with a rigid body and it was difficult to calm her. She proceeded to be a willful and inflexible toddler and she can still have temper tantrum today, where she'll wail and throw herself on the floor. I wish I had known about Ross Greene then, but I didn't and we had many battles of will (I have to admit that I am also inflexible and have a short fuse - ugh, we are all on the spectrum of something, right?). As much as I have bemoaned having to raise her, I learned a lot about me and I love her to bits. I really feel this is the time to get this right, because soon she'll be a teen and I don't want her to have the same relationship with me than I had with my parents. There is also some substance abuse in my family, so she might be prone to that as well.</p><p></p><p>She professes to hate her brother (will say so often, to us and/or him), who is two years younger and she will pick on him often, which gets my blood boiling. But they can also play together for hours and she's very empathetic towards him if something happens (he gets hurt or is sick).</p><p></p><p>To me it seems that she is often in a pissy mood and then looks for someone to pick on to make herself feel better. Like she's looking for a release, which she gets when she sees to it that a situation escalates and she can blow up. She absolutely cannot handle sudden changes in routine a change to something she expects/had planned in her head. In general she has great difficulty with transitions. She has some sensory issues, like not liking the feeling of water on her skin, certain socks, shirts and pants don't feel right as well.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="AgentP, post: 589541, member: 16202"] She is a model citizen at school, highly motivated to learn and please the teacher. She has friends and is very popular, although she and her best friend are at odds lately (the latter is very strong willed and they clashed several times over the last weeks. Both just started to develop so I figure hormones are at play here too). She is super good with little kids and several moms here want her to baby sit as soon as she is old enough. She loves animals and is very gentle with them. When she is moody and explodes she usually is not aggressive towards people but she has hit her brother in the past and swatted me, but usually in reaction to me touching her. She will through things (not directed at people), slam doors, scream, punch the walls etc. She has been in therapy before but we've never found anybody to come up with some working model for us, mainly because she is mostly very well behaved when we are in sessions with her. The only therapist who saw her in action moved away before we really could get started. I feel we mostly need help to parent her more effectively, so that she can learn the skills she is missing to moderate her emotions. daughter and I had a rocky start with breastfeeding after a largely uncomplicated birth but she swallowed meconium and had to be suctioned. I felt out of sync with her in general from the getgo. She'd nurse, then scream her head off, with a rigid body and it was difficult to calm her. She proceeded to be a willful and inflexible toddler and she can still have temper tantrum today, where she'll wail and throw herself on the floor. I wish I had known about Ross Greene then, but I didn't and we had many battles of will (I have to admit that I am also inflexible and have a short fuse - ugh, we are all on the spectrum of something, right?). As much as I have bemoaned having to raise her, I learned a lot about me and I love her to bits. I really feel this is the time to get this right, because soon she'll be a teen and I don't want her to have the same relationship with me than I had with my parents. There is also some substance abuse in my family, so she might be prone to that as well. She professes to hate her brother (will say so often, to us and/or him), who is two years younger and she will pick on him often, which gets my blood boiling. But they can also play together for hours and she's very empathetic towards him if something happens (he gets hurt or is sick). To me it seems that she is often in a pissy mood and then looks for someone to pick on to make herself feel better. Like she's looking for a release, which she gets when she sees to it that a situation escalates and she can blow up. She absolutely cannot handle sudden changes in routine a change to something she expects/had planned in her head. In general she has great difficulty with transitions. She has some sensory issues, like not liking the feeling of water on her skin, certain socks, shirts and pants don't feel right as well. [/QUOTE]
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