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General Parenting
Tired of talking to people who do not understand!!!
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<blockquote data-quote="HaoZi" data-source="post: 401963"><p>April, my kiddo has He-Who-Doesn't-Bother. Needless to say, on the few occasions he does call, it stirs up her anxieties something awful if he promises to call her again on a certain and (as usual) fails to follow through. I think I finally got the message through to him last time we talked, when I said don't promise her and then not do it, it doesn't matter why you didn't do it. If something happens and you can't, scrape the change out of the couch and write her a letter so she doesn't feel you kicked her to the curb. Again. He made no promises last time he talked to her. She didn't have a meltdown about it, either. She doesn't ask when he will call again. She long ago gave up calling him.</p><p></p><p>Is this her only issue? Not by any means. Does it contribute? In our case, most certainly. It also means I have to play Mom and Dad, nurturer and discipliner, have no one to "tag team" with if I need it. So yes, it affects us because of that, as well. Soon as I recently mentioned needing to test mine for autism I got the impression that he's not going to fight for any visitation whatsoever. Fine with me, less hassle overall and frankly I don't trust that he or his girlfriend could handle it and then mine would get blamed for the behavior the other kids pick up from her. </p><p></p><p>As they get older they'll notice more about other families, and for a while kiddo was fixated on having a "whole" family. Then they'll get older and wiser and figure out that "whole" doesn't mean the same thing for every family, and that "happy" is the best one can reach for, no matter the circumstances. You're not alone, sometimes it just feels like it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="HaoZi, post: 401963"] April, my kiddo has He-Who-Doesn't-Bother. Needless to say, on the few occasions he does call, it stirs up her anxieties something awful if he promises to call her again on a certain and (as usual) fails to follow through. I think I finally got the message through to him last time we talked, when I said don't promise her and then not do it, it doesn't matter why you didn't do it. If something happens and you can't, scrape the change out of the couch and write her a letter so she doesn't feel you kicked her to the curb. Again. He made no promises last time he talked to her. She didn't have a meltdown about it, either. She doesn't ask when he will call again. She long ago gave up calling him. Is this her only issue? Not by any means. Does it contribute? In our case, most certainly. It also means I have to play Mom and Dad, nurturer and discipliner, have no one to "tag team" with if I need it. So yes, it affects us because of that, as well. Soon as I recently mentioned needing to test mine for autism I got the impression that he's not going to fight for any visitation whatsoever. Fine with me, less hassle overall and frankly I don't trust that he or his girlfriend could handle it and then mine would get blamed for the behavior the other kids pick up from her. As they get older they'll notice more about other families, and for a while kiddo was fixated on having a "whole" family. Then they'll get older and wiser and figure out that "whole" doesn't mean the same thing for every family, and that "happy" is the best one can reach for, no matter the circumstances. You're not alone, sometimes it just feels like it. [/QUOTE]
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Tired of talking to people who do not understand!!!
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