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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 646870" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>I'm sorry, Lil. It has to be done. We have to own our feelings. We need to reclaim those parts of ourselves that are grieving, and that we keep hidden away. </p><p></p><p>There is no better time than when it happens. There is no shame in it. Tears are like a pressure valve, in a way. If you find that you aren't able to keep things compartmentalized, then these are the things that helped me:</p><p></p><p>When I had time (and I would make time, I would plan it out, ahead of time), I would pound a sofa pillow until the emotions came up, so I could discharge them. There were never words during those times, for me. I could not have put a name to what I was feeling. I could scream into the pillow too, if I liked. </p><p></p><p>I needed to make the sounds of grief, needed to get them out of me, out into the light where I could see them.</p><p></p><p>Or I would run until I could cry. One day? I got home and one of the neighbors called and wanted to know what had happened with difficult child daughter. She said she knew when she saw me go tearing down the street that something had happened.</p><p></p><p>Ew.</p><p></p><p>I actually had some self respect, once. That was a long time ago, though. I haven't missed it much.</p><p></p><p>I was like a wounded animal, in a way. I could not let my emotions run free, even in therapy, in case it turned out that I would never stop crying. So, I needed to learn to take care of myself in these ways. It helped me to know I had these outlets.</p><p></p><p>I did not do these things in front of husband. If he was home, I took a really long bath with lots of running water.</p><p></p><p>I was cleanest mom on the block during those years.</p><p></p><p>:O)</p><p></p><p>Now?</p><p></p><p>I just shower, like a normal person.</p><p></p><p>***</p><p></p><p>"I am ashamed of these tears and yet, at the extreme of my misfortune, I am ashamed not to shed them."</p><p></p><p>Euripides</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 646870, member: 17461"] I'm sorry, Lil. It has to be done. We have to own our feelings. We need to reclaim those parts of ourselves that are grieving, and that we keep hidden away. There is no better time than when it happens. There is no shame in it. Tears are like a pressure valve, in a way. If you find that you aren't able to keep things compartmentalized, then these are the things that helped me: When I had time (and I would make time, I would plan it out, ahead of time), I would pound a sofa pillow until the emotions came up, so I could discharge them. There were never words during those times, for me. I could not have put a name to what I was feeling. I could scream into the pillow too, if I liked. I needed to make the sounds of grief, needed to get them out of me, out into the light where I could see them. Or I would run until I could cry. One day? I got home and one of the neighbors called and wanted to know what had happened with difficult child daughter. She said she knew when she saw me go tearing down the street that something had happened. Ew. I actually had some self respect, once. That was a long time ago, though. I haven't missed it much. I was like a wounded animal, in a way. I could not let my emotions run free, even in therapy, in case it turned out that I would never stop crying. So, I needed to learn to take care of myself in these ways. It helped me to know I had these outlets. I did not do these things in front of husband. If he was home, I took a really long bath with lots of running water. I was cleanest mom on the block during those years. :O) Now? I just shower, like a normal person. *** "I am ashamed of these tears and yet, at the extreme of my misfortune, I am ashamed not to shed them." Euripides [/QUOTE]
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