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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 656175" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Ah, Cedar. Mothers and their kids. Especially in this generation.</p><p></p><p>Your post makes me think of several mothers I know.</p><p></p><p>Mother #1: When you are with her, all she talks about are her two grown children. Both appear to be perfect, at least as far as you can tell. She has no interests of her own, it appears, because nearly every sentence is about her kids. It is boring. It is mind-numbing. I want to ask: Are YOU the same as YOUR KIDS? Do you have any kind of life? This person is my best friend from high school. A group of old friends started going to the beach together during the time that difficult child was in the worst part of it. I declined to go because I could. not. bear. hearing. it. </p><p></p><p>Mother #2: She talks about other things, but "her grown kids" do no wrong, nor do their spouses or boyfriends, while "his kids" (second marriage, blended family) are always "less than." I don't know what it would be like to be her husband and hear a million times a day that my kids are better than your kids. Ugh. It's also boring to be around. This is another old friend of mine. We see each other a lot but I really notice this, and I admit it bugs me.</p><p></p><p>Mother #3: She has two daughters, one lives nearby and the other far away. The far away one is the one she longs for. The nearby one has launched but they aren't close. It's sad to watch. </p><p></p><p>Me: I wonder what my blind spots are about my two grown sons. I am sure I can be really annoying too. Here is what I am working toward: giving them and me lots of space. When I talk to them I don't ask too many questions (both are introverts, so if you didn't ask anything, there would be little conversation). Don't offer suggestions (I work hard on this and fail a lot). Affirm what they say, even if I don't get it or I see "a better way." Be pleasant. Be someone other people---my grown children---would like to be around. Roll with the punches. Don't get too involved. Let them be. Let them go. See them as people who have to make their own way. </p><p></p><p>Our grown kids are just people. they are no better or worse than any other people. They must walk their path. We had a role on that path---a big one---but that's long gone now. That is how it should be. We did the best we could. We couldn't make it all pretty and all okay. That's good, actually.</p><p></p><p>We have to let the past go and the future go, and just be the best we can be...RIGHT NOW. </p><p></p><p>That's all there is, anyway.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 656175, member: 17542"] Ah, Cedar. Mothers and their kids. Especially in this generation. Your post makes me think of several mothers I know. Mother #1: When you are with her, all she talks about are her two grown children. Both appear to be perfect, at least as far as you can tell. She has no interests of her own, it appears, because nearly every sentence is about her kids. It is boring. It is mind-numbing. I want to ask: Are YOU the same as YOUR KIDS? Do you have any kind of life? This person is my best friend from high school. A group of old friends started going to the beach together during the time that difficult child was in the worst part of it. I declined to go because I could. not. bear. hearing. it. Mother #2: She talks about other things, but "her grown kids" do no wrong, nor do their spouses or boyfriends, while "his kids" (second marriage, blended family) are always "less than." I don't know what it would be like to be her husband and hear a million times a day that my kids are better than your kids. Ugh. It's also boring to be around. This is another old friend of mine. We see each other a lot but I really notice this, and I admit it bugs me. Mother #3: She has two daughters, one lives nearby and the other far away. The far away one is the one she longs for. The nearby one has launched but they aren't close. It's sad to watch. Me: I wonder what my blind spots are about my two grown sons. I am sure I can be really annoying too. Here is what I am working toward: giving them and me lots of space. When I talk to them I don't ask too many questions (both are introverts, so if you didn't ask anything, there would be little conversation). Don't offer suggestions (I work hard on this and fail a lot). Affirm what they say, even if I don't get it or I see "a better way." Be pleasant. Be someone other people---my grown children---would like to be around. Roll with the punches. Don't get too involved. Let them be. Let them go. See them as people who have to make their own way. Our grown kids are just people. they are no better or worse than any other people. They must walk their path. We had a role on that path---a big one---but that's long gone now. That is how it should be. We did the best we could. We couldn't make it all pretty and all okay. That's good, actually. We have to let the past go and the future go, and just be the best we can be...RIGHT NOW. That's all there is, anyway. [/QUOTE]
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