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To Tell the Truth
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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 656187" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>As parents we all have had expectations of what our children would be like when they were adults.</p><p></p><p>For those parents who's children grew into and filled those expectations, the parents are proud but not overly impressed because the expectation was met.</p><p></p><p>Then there's us, the parents who's children have brought so much disappointment to us yet we know they have such high potential and could be so much more, we want to hold onto that hope of what they could be.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>For those that have more than one child where one child is successful and the other is a Difficult Child they have something to compare to. They know what it is to have that affirmation and to not. For me, I only have the one son who has caused me heartache for close to 30 years now. I don't think I will ever know what that kind of affirmation feels like.</p><p></p><p>What is so crazy is there is no rhyme or reason as to why, who or how. There are parents who are basically a Difficult Child themselves and yet they have children that are high functioning, responsible adults. There are parents who have done everything right, given their child every opportunity and the child is a Difficult Child.</p><p></p><p>I used to carry such feelings of jealousy when I would listen to other mom's talking about their children, why couldn't that be me, why was I burdened with this pain and shame, why???? There is no answer, it just is what it is.</p><p>It was only through acceptance that I was able to let all of that go. I went through all the cycles, I did everything I could to try and "save" my son and it got to a point that I had to ask myself who am I doing all of this for? Of course I wanted to save him from a path of destruction because I didn't want to see my child suffer, but I was also being selfish, I wanted to save him for me, so that I could be one of those moms who could boast about her child.</p><p></p><p>It was a hard truth to accept that my son "wanted" to live the way he was. It was very hard for me to comprehend. Why would anyone want to live a life filled with so much uncertainty? Again, some soul searching. I am a planner, I like and need to have order in my life. My son is a free spirit, he does not feel bound by rules and structure. I don't like that he's that way but I did have to come to accept it.</p><p></p><p>Yesterday at work one of my co-workers was talking about her sons, she was telling us that they would be taking her out for breakfast and then she said "they better have a nice card for me" I had to hold my tongue. Here is mother who has 2 sons that are good men, both have jobs and families and she was concerned about them getting her a card. I would settle for a message on FB just to say "Hi mom, I'm still alive" as it's been about 2 months since I've heard anything from my son.</p><p></p><p>I am reminded of Doris Day's song Que Sera Sera:</p><p></p><p>When I was just a little girl</p><p>I asked my mother</p><p>What will I be</p><p>Will I be pretty</p><p>Will I be rich</p><p>Here's what she said to me</p><p><strong><span style="color: #ff0000">Que sera, sera</span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="color: #ff0000">Whatever will be, will be</span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="color: #ff0000">The future's not ours to see</span></strong></p><p>Que sera, sera</p><p>What will be, will be</p><p>When I grew up and fell in love</p><p>I asked my sweetheart</p><p>What lies ahead</p><p>Will we have rainbows</p><p>Day after day</p><p>Here's what my sweetheart said</p><p>Que sera, sera</p><p><strong><span style="color: #ff0000">Whatever will be, will be</span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="color: #ff0000">The future's not ours to see</span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="color: #ff0000">Que sera, sera</span></strong></p><p>What will be, will be</p><p>Now I have Children of my own</p><p>They ask their mother</p><p>What will I be</p><p>Will I be handsome</p><p>Will I be rich</p><p>I tell them tenderly</p><p><strong><span style="color: #ff0000">Que sera, sera</span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="color: #ff0000">Whatever will be, will be</span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="color: #ff0000">The future's not ours to see</span></strong></p><p>Que sera, sera</p><p><strong><span style="color: #ff0000">What will be, will be</span></strong></p><p>Que Sera, Sera</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 656187, member: 18516"] As parents we all have had expectations of what our children would be like when they were adults. For those parents who's children grew into and filled those expectations, the parents are proud but not overly impressed because the expectation was met. Then there's us, the parents who's children have brought so much disappointment to us yet we know they have such high potential and could be so much more, we want to hold onto that hope of what they could be. For those that have more than one child where one child is successful and the other is a Difficult Child they have something to compare to. They know what it is to have that affirmation and to not. For me, I only have the one son who has caused me heartache for close to 30 years now. I don't think I will ever know what that kind of affirmation feels like. What is so crazy is there is no rhyme or reason as to why, who or how. There are parents who are basically a Difficult Child themselves and yet they have children that are high functioning, responsible adults. There are parents who have done everything right, given their child every opportunity and the child is a Difficult Child. I used to carry such feelings of jealousy when I would listen to other mom's talking about their children, why couldn't that be me, why was I burdened with this pain and shame, why???? There is no answer, it just is what it is. It was only through acceptance that I was able to let all of that go. I went through all the cycles, I did everything I could to try and "save" my son and it got to a point that I had to ask myself who am I doing all of this for? Of course I wanted to save him from a path of destruction because I didn't want to see my child suffer, but I was also being selfish, I wanted to save him for me, so that I could be one of those moms who could boast about her child. It was a hard truth to accept that my son "wanted" to live the way he was. It was very hard for me to comprehend. Why would anyone want to live a life filled with so much uncertainty? Again, some soul searching. I am a planner, I like and need to have order in my life. My son is a free spirit, he does not feel bound by rules and structure. I don't like that he's that way but I did have to come to accept it. Yesterday at work one of my co-workers was talking about her sons, she was telling us that they would be taking her out for breakfast and then she said "they better have a nice card for me" I had to hold my tongue. Here is mother who has 2 sons that are good men, both have jobs and families and she was concerned about them getting her a card. I would settle for a message on FB just to say "Hi mom, I'm still alive" as it's been about 2 months since I've heard anything from my son. I am reminded of Doris Day's song Que Sera Sera: When I was just a little girl I asked my mother What will I be Will I be pretty Will I be rich Here's what she said to me [B][COLOR=#ff0000]Que sera, sera Whatever will be, will be The future's not ours to see[/COLOR][/B] Que sera, sera What will be, will be When I grew up and fell in love I asked my sweetheart What lies ahead Will we have rainbows Day after day Here's what my sweetheart said Que sera, sera [B][COLOR=#ff0000]Whatever will be, will be The future's not ours to see Que sera, sera[/COLOR][/B] What will be, will be Now I have Children of my own They ask their mother What will I be Will I be handsome Will I be rich I tell them tenderly [B][COLOR=#ff0000]Que sera, sera Whatever will be, will be The future's not ours to see[/COLOR][/B] Que sera, sera [B][COLOR=#ff0000]What will be, will be[/COLOR][/B] Que Sera, Sera [/QUOTE]
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