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General Parenting
Today we drove difficult child to . . .
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<blockquote data-quote="TerryJ2" data-source="post: 373418" data-attributes="member: 3419"><p>Gosh, that's a tough one. My son is a bit like that, but has improved lately. We just got back from the therapist and we talked a bit about computers and anger issues.</p><p>I would set the rules b4 you ever set foot in the door.</p><p>I would seriously consider no computer or PS2 games at all, no hand-held games, no cell phone, because I just discovered you can download games on that, too.</p><p>He will probably go to a friend's house and sneak, but at least you can keep your house calm and under control.</p><p> </p><p>One good thing is that he wore himself out after he vented in the car. My son does that, too. It is so much better afterward.</p><p>So many of our kids don't know how to vent properly, but they really do need to vent.</p><p>I have learned that sometimes it's better to let my son vent, and be late for something, or not show up at all, than to continue on and then end up with-something worse.</p><p>Perhaps next time he vents, just detach and pretend he's a really loud TV show that you can't stand. Of course, that's easier when he's not slugging you or trying to choke you. My son still gets in my space and in my face, but he doesn't slug or hit me any more.</p><p> </p><p>In regard to earning something, make his tasks very simple. I tell my son, "Repeat that back to me in a nice tone of voice." He'll semi-shout, then I'll make him repeat it again. Sometimes he has to do it 10X, but he finally says whatever it is in a normal voice. I will thank him and then give him a reward--but nothing big like computer time. It will be permission to stay up 10 min. longer to read, or a piece of candy or something. I will tie it in directly with-his "performance" and say it aloud so he knows.</p><p>If your son holds open the door for you, thank him for it and reward him. If he carries in his suitcase from Residential Treatment Center (RTC), reward him. If you have never rewarded him for that type of thing b4, he'll think you're being sarcastic or that you're nuts, but keep doing it. He will get used to it and learn quickly.</p><p>I know you think he hasn't earned anything, so start making up tiny things. "Thank you for taking a shower today." Think hard, watch carefully. You'll find something.</p><p> </p><p>I feel for all of you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="TerryJ2, post: 373418, member: 3419"] Gosh, that's a tough one. My son is a bit like that, but has improved lately. We just got back from the therapist and we talked a bit about computers and anger issues. I would set the rules b4 you ever set foot in the door. I would seriously consider no computer or PS2 games at all, no hand-held games, no cell phone, because I just discovered you can download games on that, too. He will probably go to a friend's house and sneak, but at least you can keep your house calm and under control. One good thing is that he wore himself out after he vented in the car. My son does that, too. It is so much better afterward. So many of our kids don't know how to vent properly, but they really do need to vent. I have learned that sometimes it's better to let my son vent, and be late for something, or not show up at all, than to continue on and then end up with-something worse. Perhaps next time he vents, just detach and pretend he's a really loud TV show that you can't stand. Of course, that's easier when he's not slugging you or trying to choke you. My son still gets in my space and in my face, but he doesn't slug or hit me any more. In regard to earning something, make his tasks very simple. I tell my son, "Repeat that back to me in a nice tone of voice." He'll semi-shout, then I'll make him repeat it again. Sometimes he has to do it 10X, but he finally says whatever it is in a normal voice. I will thank him and then give him a reward--but nothing big like computer time. It will be permission to stay up 10 min. longer to read, or a piece of candy or something. I will tie it in directly with-his "performance" and say it aloud so he knows. If your son holds open the door for you, thank him for it and reward him. If he carries in his suitcase from Residential Treatment Center (RTC), reward him. If you have never rewarded him for that type of thing b4, he'll think you're being sarcastic or that you're nuts, but keep doing it. He will get used to it and learn quickly. I know you think he hasn't earned anything, so start making up tiny things. "Thank you for taking a shower today." Think hard, watch carefully. You'll find something. I feel for all of you. [/QUOTE]
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