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Today we drove difficult child to . . .
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 373447" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I think that rewarding for small things can be great, esp if he hasn't earned rewards before. I would make sure that all computers, game systems, cell phones, etc... are well out of site when he returns. I personally would not allow computer time at home. If he wants to walk to the library and use theirs, under their rules, I wouldn't be against it. Just not at home. in my opinion computers/video games are not something everyone can control. It seems to be a trigger for your son, and being able to use the computer/game system but not play games with/about guns is asking too much of him. It just is not something he is likely to be able to do, even with limited computer time. </p><p> </p><p>I know others think we need to teach them moderation and how to moderate their own computer/game use, and that is fine if they want to do it. Not everyone is able to learn this, just as not everyone is able to learn to read. Your son already seems focused on being allowed to do a lot with the computer, and a lot of the things he wants to do are probably violent. If nothing else happens, seeing him playing and getting so focused on computers is likely to kick up YOUR ptsd. The chances that he will be able to turn it off after 30 mins or an hour, after not being able to use it for so long, are nil. I am just being realistic. I cannot see your son being willing to turn off the computer after an hour, not when he is so focused on it. </p><p> </p><p>Even if he can turn it off at the appropriate time, knowing it is there will be a constant temptation, a siren luring him at any time that he is bored or doesn't want to do whatever he is supposed to. The odds that conflict will arise from having to stop using it after time is up, or not being able to use it when he thinks he can or when he wants to, are HUGE. It is likely better to keep any computer in your room locked away from him, where he doesn't even know it exists. Don't mention it to him, at least not at first. If he asks about it, tell him it is gone. </p><p> </p><p>I see nothing to be gained from playstation. He is not going to want to play nonviolent games. Not as fixated on guns and violence as you describe. Wiz was much the same way - he made more lego guns and spaghetti guns than could be counted. Games that didn't have guns, or some way to kill or maim people were "no fun". There really was no way to have fun gaming with him unless you could enjoy killing in some form or fashion. I think your difficult child is likely to have much the same outlook.</p><p> </p><p>If he goes to the library he will have to work within their limits. Ditto for anywhere else he goes. He may even have a long walk to get there - Wiz used to walk about 3-4 miles round trip to the library and back to use the computer. If someone is going that way, or near there, rides were available. Otherwise he walked. the same might be good for your difficult child. It would at the least add some exercise and sunshine to his day!</p><p> </p><p>I am serious about no computer time/game time. Even if you allow computer time, get rid of the playstation. If it is stored he will search the house for it and sneak it. If you decide to keep it, off site storage is best. Your other child may not like this, but not having the games won't hurt him either. If nothing else it will give their imaginations a workout. </p><p> </p><p>If you DO allow computer or playstation time, or keep the game system, find a way to store any essential removable parts so that they cannot get them. It will allow you to control how long they spend on the systems. Take the keyboard and mouse, controllers, memory cards, etc... and put them in a locked place when time is up. maybe even in a locked safe if you have one. </p><p> </p><p>Do you intend to make gfg17 get a job? If he does, maybe he could buy his computer time at whatever the going rate at kinko's is. It is one way to put limits on it and allow him to have it if he works on it. It will also teach him that he has to work for privileges. You can use the money for extras he wants or save it to help him when he turns 18.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 373447, member: 1233"] I think that rewarding for small things can be great, esp if he hasn't earned rewards before. I would make sure that all computers, game systems, cell phones, etc... are well out of site when he returns. I personally would not allow computer time at home. If he wants to walk to the library and use theirs, under their rules, I wouldn't be against it. Just not at home. in my opinion computers/video games are not something everyone can control. It seems to be a trigger for your son, and being able to use the computer/game system but not play games with/about guns is asking too much of him. It just is not something he is likely to be able to do, even with limited computer time. I know others think we need to teach them moderation and how to moderate their own computer/game use, and that is fine if they want to do it. Not everyone is able to learn this, just as not everyone is able to learn to read. Your son already seems focused on being allowed to do a lot with the computer, and a lot of the things he wants to do are probably violent. If nothing else happens, seeing him playing and getting so focused on computers is likely to kick up YOUR ptsd. The chances that he will be able to turn it off after 30 mins or an hour, after not being able to use it for so long, are nil. I am just being realistic. I cannot see your son being willing to turn off the computer after an hour, not when he is so focused on it. Even if he can turn it off at the appropriate time, knowing it is there will be a constant temptation, a siren luring him at any time that he is bored or doesn't want to do whatever he is supposed to. The odds that conflict will arise from having to stop using it after time is up, or not being able to use it when he thinks he can or when he wants to, are HUGE. It is likely better to keep any computer in your room locked away from him, where he doesn't even know it exists. Don't mention it to him, at least not at first. If he asks about it, tell him it is gone. I see nothing to be gained from playstation. He is not going to want to play nonviolent games. Not as fixated on guns and violence as you describe. Wiz was much the same way - he made more lego guns and spaghetti guns than could be counted. Games that didn't have guns, or some way to kill or maim people were "no fun". There really was no way to have fun gaming with him unless you could enjoy killing in some form or fashion. I think your difficult child is likely to have much the same outlook. If he goes to the library he will have to work within their limits. Ditto for anywhere else he goes. He may even have a long walk to get there - Wiz used to walk about 3-4 miles round trip to the library and back to use the computer. If someone is going that way, or near there, rides were available. Otherwise he walked. the same might be good for your difficult child. It would at the least add some exercise and sunshine to his day! I am serious about no computer time/game time. Even if you allow computer time, get rid of the playstation. If it is stored he will search the house for it and sneak it. If you decide to keep it, off site storage is best. Your other child may not like this, but not having the games won't hurt him either. If nothing else it will give their imaginations a workout. If you DO allow computer or playstation time, or keep the game system, find a way to store any essential removable parts so that they cannot get them. It will allow you to control how long they spend on the systems. Take the keyboard and mouse, controllers, memory cards, etc... and put them in a locked place when time is up. maybe even in a locked safe if you have one. Do you intend to make gfg17 get a job? If he does, maybe he could buy his computer time at whatever the going rate at kinko's is. It is one way to put limits on it and allow him to have it if he works on it. It will also teach him that he has to work for privileges. You can use the money for extras he wants or save it to help him when he turns 18. [/QUOTE]
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