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Today's visit with- difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="Andy" data-source="post: 278366" data-attributes="member: 5096"><p>What a hard visit. However, I am reading a lot of positive. He has to be thinking about all these things and that is a good thing. He has indicated that he does not like how things are turning out and that is a good thing. He wants to change and that is a good thing.</p><p> </p><p>You can keep encouraging him to make those changes. He can focus on an education. He can learn to deal with people who build anger in him without physically fighting. (by the way, you haven't told him anything different than many warrior moms in regards of ignoring and telling a teacher. Hopefully the teacher would help him use his words to explain what is happening and give advise. Sometimes teachers will pull the other kid aside and work with both kids on the issue.)</p><p> </p><p>He needs people around him who believes in his character and his willingness to make good decisions. My difficult child's teachers sent that message to difficult child last year while he was going through an angry year. They kept up the positive message of, "difficult child, we know you do not want to be like this. We know you can change. We know you are a good kid." It was done in a non-judgemental caring way and that circle of support helped so much.</p><p> </p><p>Is there a staff member there that you feel is a good connection? Can you ask that person to check in on difficult child every day if only to ask how he is doing? Sounds like he is feeling lonely or isolated and if he sees that only bad behavior gets attention from the staff, he may get desperate enough to do something just to get heard?</p><p> </p><p>To difficult child: "difficult child, you can do this! Yes, it will be very hard and we can not forsee the future. Learn all the coping skills you can and be ready to use them all when you are discharged. Then, take one day at a time. Your mom will be there to help advise you but you will need to do the work. You can do this! It took a long time to get here, it will take a long time to get out. Focus on being the person you want to be. Will your actions help you reach that goal?"</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Andy, post: 278366, member: 5096"] What a hard visit. However, I am reading a lot of positive. He has to be thinking about all these things and that is a good thing. He has indicated that he does not like how things are turning out and that is a good thing. He wants to change and that is a good thing. You can keep encouraging him to make those changes. He can focus on an education. He can learn to deal with people who build anger in him without physically fighting. (by the way, you haven't told him anything different than many warrior moms in regards of ignoring and telling a teacher. Hopefully the teacher would help him use his words to explain what is happening and give advise. Sometimes teachers will pull the other kid aside and work with both kids on the issue.) He needs people around him who believes in his character and his willingness to make good decisions. My difficult child's teachers sent that message to difficult child last year while he was going through an angry year. They kept up the positive message of, "difficult child, we know you do not want to be like this. We know you can change. We know you are a good kid." It was done in a non-judgemental caring way and that circle of support helped so much. Is there a staff member there that you feel is a good connection? Can you ask that person to check in on difficult child every day if only to ask how he is doing? Sounds like he is feeling lonely or isolated and if he sees that only bad behavior gets attention from the staff, he may get desperate enough to do something just to get heard? To difficult child: "difficult child, you can do this! Yes, it will be very hard and we can not forsee the future. Learn all the coping skills you can and be ready to use them all when you are discharged. Then, take one day at a time. Your mom will be there to help advise you but you will need to do the work. You can do this! It took a long time to get here, it will take a long time to get out. Focus on being the person you want to be. Will your actions help you reach that goal?" [/QUOTE]
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