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Told difficult child we would be taking computer at 10 tonight
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 499144" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I have always wondered who these mythical people who will give our kids anything they want are?? I still remember the look on Wiz' face the day I opened the front door and said that if he knew where someone who would let him live with them and would let him do anything he wanted anytime he wanted lived, he should go and move in with them. Did he want help packing his stuff?</p><p></p><p>He never left. He did call one of his friends' moms, the "cool mom" and she laughed her head off at him - I could hear her through the phone. Then she told him the rules at her house. WHich included kids under middle school age didn't need computer time so they didn't have any and they only watched thirty min of tv a day - total as a family, not per kid, and they had to do chores and she listed them.</p><p></p><p>He went up to his room and cleaned it after that. He was afraid I would make him leave to go live with her, lol!!! He was about six maybe.</p><p></p><p>Stressed, we learned that giving extra ANYTHING, especially late at night, actually wasn't nice. It meant that another transition had to happen and it meant that the rule could change. If the rule could change this one time, then it could change EVERY time and our difficult child pushed for that EVERY time. It took me a long time to realize that the one time nice extra time on whatever set Wiz up to fail that time and for a long time in the future. I actually apologized when I learned this lesson and after that if there was a rule then that was the rule. If the computer was off at ten then it NEVER was on until ten thirty. I had husband set it up with a password I didn't know and set the controls to turn it off at that time so that I was UNABLE to change it (well, I could have easily but we didn't tell Wiz that).</p><p></p><p>Thinking that it was not something that I could change made it easier for Wiz to handle. So did learning that those extra minutes were NOT happening because they set us up for problems. </p><p></p><p>Set the user controls, stop giving extra time to be nice. Find some other way to reward her for giving up the computer other than more computer minutes. In HER mind you gave her 30 more minutes so the end time and bedtime are not important to you. It is just a way to control her for the sheer sake of controlling her. She is UNABLE to care about sleep patterns and her overall health. THat is part of depression. Stop needing her to buy into the program. For now let it be enough when she gives up the computer, give her a hug if she accepts them and GO TO BED. THen maybe give her a chocolate or a small new thing or just tell her thanks for not making a big deal about the computer. O r if it will work better don't say anything.</p><p></p><p>But giving her the extra time worked against you, so it is probably something you shouldn't do again. Giving the computer up is HARD for her and asking her to do it twice is asking a LOT. I know you did not see that at the time and were trying to be nice. But what other things could you do to reward her instead of giving more computer time?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 499144, member: 1233"] I have always wondered who these mythical people who will give our kids anything they want are?? I still remember the look on Wiz' face the day I opened the front door and said that if he knew where someone who would let him live with them and would let him do anything he wanted anytime he wanted lived, he should go and move in with them. Did he want help packing his stuff? He never left. He did call one of his friends' moms, the "cool mom" and she laughed her head off at him - I could hear her through the phone. Then she told him the rules at her house. WHich included kids under middle school age didn't need computer time so they didn't have any and they only watched thirty min of tv a day - total as a family, not per kid, and they had to do chores and she listed them. He went up to his room and cleaned it after that. He was afraid I would make him leave to go live with her, lol!!! He was about six maybe. Stressed, we learned that giving extra ANYTHING, especially late at night, actually wasn't nice. It meant that another transition had to happen and it meant that the rule could change. If the rule could change this one time, then it could change EVERY time and our difficult child pushed for that EVERY time. It took me a long time to realize that the one time nice extra time on whatever set Wiz up to fail that time and for a long time in the future. I actually apologized when I learned this lesson and after that if there was a rule then that was the rule. If the computer was off at ten then it NEVER was on until ten thirty. I had husband set it up with a password I didn't know and set the controls to turn it off at that time so that I was UNABLE to change it (well, I could have easily but we didn't tell Wiz that). Thinking that it was not something that I could change made it easier for Wiz to handle. So did learning that those extra minutes were NOT happening because they set us up for problems. Set the user controls, stop giving extra time to be nice. Find some other way to reward her for giving up the computer other than more computer minutes. In HER mind you gave her 30 more minutes so the end time and bedtime are not important to you. It is just a way to control her for the sheer sake of controlling her. She is UNABLE to care about sleep patterns and her overall health. THat is part of depression. Stop needing her to buy into the program. For now let it be enough when she gives up the computer, give her a hug if she accepts them and GO TO BED. THen maybe give her a chocolate or a small new thing or just tell her thanks for not making a big deal about the computer. O r if it will work better don't say anything. But giving her the extra time worked against you, so it is probably something you shouldn't do again. Giving the computer up is HARD for her and asking her to do it twice is asking a LOT. I know you did not see that at the time and were trying to be nice. But what other things could you do to reward her instead of giving more computer time? [/QUOTE]
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Told difficult child we would be taking computer at 10 tonight
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