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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 364187" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Al Anon is really helping. It is one of the places that really made me SEE that it is abuse. For years gfgbro's activity in AA was used to point out his emotional health. It was also used as his "qualifications" for pointing out how unhealthy husband and I are. Everything he points out is what he hates in himself. I will be continuing to greatly limit the time I spend with my family. To date I have not used my health as an excuse to get out of things. I spend a good part of most days feeling like I am going to barf. Even a sheet hurts bad enough on my skin that I want to cry. Almost ALL the time. I have a bunch of bruises that appeared out of nowhere. No rhyme or reason. Just appeared. Add almsot daily migraines, muscles that spasm so hard I sometimes wonder if they will tear off of the bone they attach to, bones that ARE softening and VERY painful, and so many other problems, well, seems to me it is time to stop pushing so hard to go see them so often.</p><p></p><p>Bro does not have to believe I am sick. My doctors do. My other medical people do. Most of them wonder why I am not suicidal all the time. They have said this to me. Heck, my psychiatrist is amazed that I have not tried to kill myself to get away from the pain. The docs cannot do much more. They don't have a whole lot that hasn't been tried. My therapist says it would be totally understandable if I did kill myself. I will NOT do that to my husband and kids. THAT is why I have not tried and why I fight like HE&& to not think like that. </p><p></p><p>We don't have a lot of drama at my house. The most drama comes when Jess has her knee give out and she falls. She and thank you do not fight much. If they snap at each other they apologize. ON THEIR OWN. IN LESS THAN 5 MINUTES.</p><p></p><p>This is totally foreign to my family. My mother thought we were dead or sick if we were not fighting. She instigated some of them when things got too calm. She won't admit it, and saying it is "heresy" but it is true.</p><p></p><p>Janet, taking gfgbro out for a beating would be useless. He is incapable of learning. He would use it to either sue or wait behind something and shoot husband. Or drop a brick on him from a tree. My father actually DID once drop a brick on someone from a tree. He waited around a corner with a 2X4 for another guy. He told us all about it when we were younger. It is the only way my bro would handle a physical confrontation. </p><p></p><p>I refuse to allow them to break up my marriage. Nothing they do will get them to that goal. I am not holding grudges, or retaliating, just living my life.</p><p></p><p>husband is NOT a saint. He makes mistakes. He also apologizes. From the heart. It is bogus to wait almost 2 months and then claim a problem. It is also bogus to invent things to justify alcoholic behavior and other dysfunction. I just hate that it has taken me so many years to see this for what it really is. I do hope and pray someday that my bro can be truly happy with himself, whatever he is.</p><p></p><p>I just want them to leave me alone. Why is it so hard? I just don't get why this DRAMA has to be part of life. husband and I have rarely had fights. Once in a great while. Usually we just talk about it if we have a problem, work it out easily and move on. My parents cannot even do that. I am seeing problems more and more and more, and am ready to let them cope with their "stuff" and leave me alone.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 364187, member: 1233"] Al Anon is really helping. It is one of the places that really made me SEE that it is abuse. For years gfgbro's activity in AA was used to point out his emotional health. It was also used as his "qualifications" for pointing out how unhealthy husband and I are. Everything he points out is what he hates in himself. I will be continuing to greatly limit the time I spend with my family. To date I have not used my health as an excuse to get out of things. I spend a good part of most days feeling like I am going to barf. Even a sheet hurts bad enough on my skin that I want to cry. Almost ALL the time. I have a bunch of bruises that appeared out of nowhere. No rhyme or reason. Just appeared. Add almsot daily migraines, muscles that spasm so hard I sometimes wonder if they will tear off of the bone they attach to, bones that ARE softening and VERY painful, and so many other problems, well, seems to me it is time to stop pushing so hard to go see them so often. Bro does not have to believe I am sick. My doctors do. My other medical people do. Most of them wonder why I am not suicidal all the time. They have said this to me. Heck, my psychiatrist is amazed that I have not tried to kill myself to get away from the pain. The docs cannot do much more. They don't have a whole lot that hasn't been tried. My therapist says it would be totally understandable if I did kill myself. I will NOT do that to my husband and kids. THAT is why I have not tried and why I fight like HE&& to not think like that. We don't have a lot of drama at my house. The most drama comes when Jess has her knee give out and she falls. She and thank you do not fight much. If they snap at each other they apologize. ON THEIR OWN. IN LESS THAN 5 MINUTES. This is totally foreign to my family. My mother thought we were dead or sick if we were not fighting. She instigated some of them when things got too calm. She won't admit it, and saying it is "heresy" but it is true. Janet, taking gfgbro out for a beating would be useless. He is incapable of learning. He would use it to either sue or wait behind something and shoot husband. Or drop a brick on him from a tree. My father actually DID once drop a brick on someone from a tree. He waited around a corner with a 2X4 for another guy. He told us all about it when we were younger. It is the only way my bro would handle a physical confrontation. I refuse to allow them to break up my marriage. Nothing they do will get them to that goal. I am not holding grudges, or retaliating, just living my life. husband is NOT a saint. He makes mistakes. He also apologizes. From the heart. It is bogus to wait almost 2 months and then claim a problem. It is also bogus to invent things to justify alcoholic behavior and other dysfunction. I just hate that it has taken me so many years to see this for what it really is. I do hope and pray someday that my bro can be truly happy with himself, whatever he is. I just want them to leave me alone. Why is it so hard? I just don't get why this DRAMA has to be part of life. husband and I have rarely had fights. Once in a great while. Usually we just talk about it if we have a problem, work it out easily and move on. My parents cannot even do that. I am seeing problems more and more and more, and am ready to let them cope with their "stuff" and leave me alone. [/QUOTE]
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