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<blockquote data-quote="flutterbee" data-source="post: 228397"><p>BK, Tink and difficult child are so much alike. difficult child, too, ran the house because I just couldn't stand the battles every. single. day. over every. single. thing. In reality, though, there were still battles every day and she felt more and more entitled and treated me like carp.</p><p></p><p>I've really been putting my foot down. It takes a lot to undo what we've allowed to go on. They manipulate - "you never spend any time with me", "why do you hate me?" (my daughter's personal fave) and when that doesn't work, "I hate you." I used to respond to those things by addressing them. If I hated you, I wouldn't care if you succeeded at school. You can hate me all you want, but I still love you. The thing is, I was still reacting at her level in a way that she could still manipulate.</p><p></p><p>I've always said to others, and have always believed, that parenting is not a popularity contest. But, I had trouble acting on that. One day recently (within the last few months), difficult child was going on with her "why do you hate me?" and "I hate you" and I looked at difficult child and told her she can hate me all she wants; parenting is not a popularity contest.</p><p></p><p>It stopped her in her tracks. She didn't know how to respond to that. It was so incredibly freeing for me to say that out loud. Because it's true and I really meant it. Battles haven't stopped - not by a long shot. But, I'm the parent and she's the child and I make sure she knows that. I still pick my battles; some things just aren't worth it. But, she also knows that when I don't give in on the battle, that I mean it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="flutterbee, post: 228397"] BK, Tink and difficult child are so much alike. difficult child, too, ran the house because I just couldn't stand the battles every. single. day. over every. single. thing. In reality, though, there were still battles every day and she felt more and more entitled and treated me like carp. I've really been putting my foot down. It takes a lot to undo what we've allowed to go on. They manipulate - "you never spend any time with me", "why do you hate me?" (my daughter's personal fave) and when that doesn't work, "I hate you." I used to respond to those things by addressing them. If I hated you, I wouldn't care if you succeeded at school. You can hate me all you want, but I still love you. The thing is, I was still reacting at her level in a way that she could still manipulate. I've always said to others, and have always believed, that parenting is not a popularity contest. But, I had trouble acting on that. One day recently (within the last few months), difficult child was going on with her "why do you hate me?" and "I hate you" and I looked at difficult child and told her she can hate me all she wants; parenting is not a popularity contest. It stopped her in her tracks. She didn't know how to respond to that. It was so incredibly freeing for me to say that out loud. Because it's true and I really meant it. Battles haven't stopped - not by a long shot. But, I'm the parent and she's the child and I make sure she knows that. I still pick my battles; some things just aren't worth it. But, she also knows that when I don't give in on the battle, that I mean it. [/QUOTE]
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