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Tools for Detaching? Difficult Child looks for love in all the wrong places.
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<blockquote data-quote="SuperG" data-source="post: 660639" data-attributes="member: 19130"><p>Shew. Just another episode of inconsiderate, immature behavior that hit me wrong all the way around. I can't vent much to my husband - he tells me how I need to let all of it roll off and stop getting so upset. My Difficult Child is his step-daughter so his attachment is different than mine. My anxiety over all this with Difficult Child is interfering with the relationship with my husband. We don't seem to agree on much surrounding this issue. His two children are a little younger, and both of them have struggles of their own, but he seems to have mastered detaching (at least in his mind - although he's still wanting us to buy a house to rent to his oldest). </p><p></p><p>The whole renting houses to our three children was an idea I had several years ago to help them get a start in adult life, but now I KNOW that was a stupid idea. So many of the things I thought were helpful were apparantly NOT. I've mentioned the notion of selling the house Difficult Child rents from us (although she does pay rent each month). It's now a source of stress with me.</p><p></p><p>I just get sick of watching the kids (my grands) get caught in the middle of her crap. It's clear this new man in her life is way more important than her kids. And her treatment of her soon to be ex-husband (he adopted her two youngest kids, and he even willingly takes the oldest - not his son - on visits too) is making me sick. He's a nice guy who does a decent job parenting, but she's so disrespectful of even him. I just can't figure out what's going through her head. And he puts up with her crap for the sake of the kids. </p><p></p><p>My business is for sale, and I'm praying I can keep my sanity long enough to sell it (which will make detaching a little easier). We work together 4 days a week. I've made some changes in the way we communicate, and she's noticed. She's got so many positive traits and she's a likable person 90% of the time. I stay in limbo with my emotions toward the whole situation. This is why I HAVE to put some space between us. But those grandkids.... breaks my heart to see her continually push them to the back (never spends time with them, uses unkind tone of voice with them, just basically ignores their needs) pretty much all the time.</p><p></p><p>I know my anxieties pale in comparasin to many of you, but this has been the story for all the 10 years she's been a parent. She was a young mom and I'm sure she felt like she missed much of her youth, but it was her decision to have these kids, and the decisions surrounding her relationships and parenting have been so screwed up. I keep thinking something will change, but I see no light at the end of the tunnel. </p><p></p><p>Thanks for letting me vent....</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SuperG, post: 660639, member: 19130"] Shew. Just another episode of inconsiderate, immature behavior that hit me wrong all the way around. I can't vent much to my husband - he tells me how I need to let all of it roll off and stop getting so upset. My Difficult Child is his step-daughter so his attachment is different than mine. My anxiety over all this with Difficult Child is interfering with the relationship with my husband. We don't seem to agree on much surrounding this issue. His two children are a little younger, and both of them have struggles of their own, but he seems to have mastered detaching (at least in his mind - although he's still wanting us to buy a house to rent to his oldest). The whole renting houses to our three children was an idea I had several years ago to help them get a start in adult life, but now I KNOW that was a stupid idea. So many of the things I thought were helpful were apparantly NOT. I've mentioned the notion of selling the house Difficult Child rents from us (although she does pay rent each month). It's now a source of stress with me. I just get sick of watching the kids (my grands) get caught in the middle of her crap. It's clear this new man in her life is way more important than her kids. And her treatment of her soon to be ex-husband (he adopted her two youngest kids, and he even willingly takes the oldest - not his son - on visits too) is making me sick. He's a nice guy who does a decent job parenting, but she's so disrespectful of even him. I just can't figure out what's going through her head. And he puts up with her crap for the sake of the kids. My business is for sale, and I'm praying I can keep my sanity long enough to sell it (which will make detaching a little easier). We work together 4 days a week. I've made some changes in the way we communicate, and she's noticed. She's got so many positive traits and she's a likable person 90% of the time. I stay in limbo with my emotions toward the whole situation. This is why I HAVE to put some space between us. But those grandkids.... breaks my heart to see her continually push them to the back (never spends time with them, uses unkind tone of voice with them, just basically ignores their needs) pretty much all the time. I know my anxieties pale in comparasin to many of you, but this has been the story for all the 10 years she's been a parent. She was a young mom and I'm sure she felt like she missed much of her youth, but it was her decision to have these kids, and the decisions surrounding her relationships and parenting have been so screwed up. I keep thinking something will change, but I see no light at the end of the tunnel. Thanks for letting me vent.... [/QUOTE]
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Tools for Detaching? Difficult Child looks for love in all the wrong places.
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