Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Tools for Detaching? Difficult Child looks for love in all the wrong places.
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 660644" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>You do know that getting away emotionally is the only way. Does it help your grands if you are tied up in knots? No. The grands will survive and as adults have to face their own problems. I'm glad you now think working together and having the grown kids rent from you is a bad idea. It keeps you uber-enmeshed and is not healthy for anybody. I'm sure your daughter pays a meager amount of rent and can "forget" to pay you sometimes...that won't teach her to be a responsible adult nor is working for Mom. </p><p></p><p>In the meantime, take a tip from your husband. These are adults now and you have zero, zilch control over their choices, whether you like them or don't. But you do have 100% control over how you react to them so that YOU can have a good life with your husband. You had your time raising kids. Time to let go and let God or, if you are an atheist, just let go. It will make no differnce in the outcome whether you let go (which is healthy for you) or hang on and get sick in every way. The outcome will be the same. The best thing you can do to help your grown kids act like grown kids is to back up, stop giving out any money, rental homes, jobs AND ADVICE and let them learn on their own and thrive or fail on their own so they can learn. It's unfortunate daughter has children, but they are legally her responsibility and there is nothing you can do unless you know she is abusive (and can prove it), call CPS, and try to get custody of them away from her. And the bar is very high to take children away from parents. Grandparents have no rights in most states.</p><p></p><p>Enjoy your golden years. You did the best you knew how. Now it's their turn to raise their families and you don't have to approve of them--they will do what they want to do. Just cut off the money and live and let live. You can stop your daughter from running around with men or from putting her children second. There is not one thing you can do.</p><p></p><p>Hugs for your hurting heart and remember we are here.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 660644, member: 1550"] You do know that getting away emotionally is the only way. Does it help your grands if you are tied up in knots? No. The grands will survive and as adults have to face their own problems. I'm glad you now think working together and having the grown kids rent from you is a bad idea. It keeps you uber-enmeshed and is not healthy for anybody. I'm sure your daughter pays a meager amount of rent and can "forget" to pay you sometimes...that won't teach her to be a responsible adult nor is working for Mom. In the meantime, take a tip from your husband. These are adults now and you have zero, zilch control over their choices, whether you like them or don't. But you do have 100% control over how you react to them so that YOU can have a good life with your husband. You had your time raising kids. Time to let go and let God or, if you are an atheist, just let go. It will make no differnce in the outcome whether you let go (which is healthy for you) or hang on and get sick in every way. The outcome will be the same. The best thing you can do to help your grown kids act like grown kids is to back up, stop giving out any money, rental homes, jobs AND ADVICE and let them learn on their own and thrive or fail on their own so they can learn. It's unfortunate daughter has children, but they are legally her responsibility and there is nothing you can do unless you know she is abusive (and can prove it), call CPS, and try to get custody of them away from her. And the bar is very high to take children away from parents. Grandparents have no rights in most states. Enjoy your golden years. You did the best you knew how. Now it's their turn to raise their families and you don't have to approve of them--they will do what they want to do. Just cut off the money and live and let live. You can stop your daughter from running around with men or from putting her children second. There is not one thing you can do. Hugs for your hurting heart and remember we are here. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Tools for Detaching? Difficult Child looks for love in all the wrong places.
Top