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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 622229" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>This forum is absolutely a place to come to for wisdom and strength when my kids, mostly 36 right now, is not in a good place. It is always a high stress time for me with the words "If blah blah blah happens, I won't need to live anymore. I'll just kill myself." Such scary words. This time it's because he's uncertain of the stability of his job...and if he can't work there, he'll be destitute for life and homeless and he can't leave the state because of his son and, on and on and on and on. Just hearing nasty talk to me then "I'll kill myself" is something I have to constantly deal with because I have no doubt he has it in him to do it.</p><p></p><p>I use a lot of what all of you are doing, in a combination. I even go to Twelve Step groups (Al-Anon mostly) even though the problem is less alcohol and more mental health because the Twelve Steps are so darn GOOD to hear and to learn and to work. I meditate and and self-helping myself into mindfulness and a big fan of practicing radical acceptance and looking at The Serenity Prayer before I leave my house every day. It is in a frame on my wall to remind me of it's wisdom. </p><p></p><p>When I get scared because I just know one day 36 will kill himself, I go to the gym and work out. I eat healthy. I force myself to stop my "baaaaaaaaaaaad" thoughts by saying "STOP!" either out loud or in my mind and thinking about something pleasant. </p><p></p><p>I have conversations with myself too:</p><p>Me: He says he'll kill himself all the time. He never does it.</p><p>Me: But he could.</p><p>Me: And worrying about it will help you how????</p><p>Me: It won't.</p><p>Me: Will it even help one little bit?</p><p>Me: No.</p><p>Me: Can you control him?</p><p>Me: Nope.</p><p></p><p>The self-talk often slows my heart down so I can experience calmness and tap into my "wise mind."</p><p></p><p>In a way, and I don't know if any of you feel this way, 36 is to me like a child who has a chronic illness that could be terminal. He may not be a stellar human being. He may not be anything near what I'd dreamed about when he was born. He may tick me off half the time. But he's my son and that doesn't stop me from loving him. So I have to find ways to detach, detach, and keep detaching...for my own mental health and for the sake of my other loved ones who need and want a healthy me in their lives.</p><p></p><p>Not easy.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 622229, member: 1550"] This forum is absolutely a place to come to for wisdom and strength when my kids, mostly 36 right now, is not in a good place. It is always a high stress time for me with the words "If blah blah blah happens, I won't need to live anymore. I'll just kill myself." Such scary words. This time it's because he's uncertain of the stability of his job...and if he can't work there, he'll be destitute for life and homeless and he can't leave the state because of his son and, on and on and on and on. Just hearing nasty talk to me then "I'll kill myself" is something I have to constantly deal with because I have no doubt he has it in him to do it. I use a lot of what all of you are doing, in a combination. I even go to Twelve Step groups (Al-Anon mostly) even though the problem is less alcohol and more mental health because the Twelve Steps are so darn GOOD to hear and to learn and to work. I meditate and and self-helping myself into mindfulness and a big fan of practicing radical acceptance and looking at The Serenity Prayer before I leave my house every day. It is in a frame on my wall to remind me of it's wisdom. When I get scared because I just know one day 36 will kill himself, I go to the gym and work out. I eat healthy. I force myself to stop my "baaaaaaaaaaaad" thoughts by saying "STOP!" either out loud or in my mind and thinking about something pleasant. I have conversations with myself too: Me: He says he'll kill himself all the time. He never does it. Me: But he could. Me: And worrying about it will help you how???? Me: It won't. Me: Will it even help one little bit? Me: No. Me: Can you control him? Me: Nope. The self-talk often slows my heart down so I can experience calmness and tap into my "wise mind." In a way, and I don't know if any of you feel this way, 36 is to me like a child who has a chronic illness that could be terminal. He may not be a stellar human being. He may not be anything near what I'd dreamed about when he was born. He may tick me off half the time. But he's my son and that doesn't stop me from loving him. So I have to find ways to detach, detach, and keep detaching...for my own mental health and for the sake of my other loved ones who need and want a healthy me in their lives. Not easy. [/QUOTE]
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