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true conduct disorder???
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<blockquote data-quote="meowbunny" data-source="post: 156582" data-attributes="member: 3626"><p>There really is no "right" age to adopt kids with the problems and issues yours have. To blame yourself and feel you are failing as a parent is not true. It really is possible that your little ones are so damaged you may not be able to parent them. You may have to do as timer-lady does and have a family of different households. You may have to do as MWM did and disrupt an adoption. </p><p> </p><p>To me, the fault lies not in the people who adopt, it lies with the system that isn't honest to adoptive parents about what is actually happening and what happened to our children pre-adoption. It lies with a system that doesn't give parents the needed support to raise these children. It lies with schools, social workers and therapists who try to lay the blame on the parents rather than trying to help the parents raise these children. Kids like yours, timer's, MWM's, mine need so much more than just love. </p><p> </p><p>Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE) is still possible even though the biomom claims she stayed clean. It is very rare for the biomoms to be honest about what they did that harmed their children. </p><p> </p><p>Fight for a neuropsychologist exam. It may give you some real answers. </p><p> </p><p>Also, be prepared to fight for Residential Treatment Center (RTC) for both of your kids. I truly believe that Residential Treatment Center (RTC) is the only thing that saved my daughter. At 13, she was behaving a lot like yours (and I was in my 40s when I adopted). I even told her therapist and social worker that it would be a small miracle if she wasn't in juvie before she was 15 and pregnant at 16. Neither prediction came to fruition. Today, she is doing well all things considered. She's working fulltime, living in an apartment, has a boyfriend who's a pretty good kid. She has great empathy for others. She is a slacker and a high school dropout. She does smoke cigarettes. She is a total slob. She's quit stealing. Every word out of her mouth is no longer a lie. There is hope.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="meowbunny, post: 156582, member: 3626"] There really is no "right" age to adopt kids with the problems and issues yours have. To blame yourself and feel you are failing as a parent is not true. It really is possible that your little ones are so damaged you may not be able to parent them. You may have to do as timer-lady does and have a family of different households. You may have to do as MWM did and disrupt an adoption. To me, the fault lies not in the people who adopt, it lies with the system that isn't honest to adoptive parents about what is actually happening and what happened to our children pre-adoption. It lies with a system that doesn't give parents the needed support to raise these children. It lies with schools, social workers and therapists who try to lay the blame on the parents rather than trying to help the parents raise these children. Kids like yours, timer's, MWM's, mine need so much more than just love. Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE) is still possible even though the biomom claims she stayed clean. It is very rare for the biomoms to be honest about what they did that harmed their children. Fight for a neuropsychologist exam. It may give you some real answers. Also, be prepared to fight for Residential Treatment Center (RTC) for both of your kids. I truly believe that Residential Treatment Center (RTC) is the only thing that saved my daughter. At 13, she was behaving a lot like yours (and I was in my 40s when I adopted). I even told her therapist and social worker that it would be a small miracle if she wasn't in juvie before she was 15 and pregnant at 16. Neither prediction came to fruition. Today, she is doing well all things considered. She's working fulltime, living in an apartment, has a boyfriend who's a pretty good kid. She has great empathy for others. She is a slacker and a high school dropout. She does smoke cigarettes. She is a total slob. She's quit stealing. Every word out of her mouth is no longer a lie. There is hope. [/QUOTE]
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