RN, I missed this post. Oh, how I can relate to what you are saying.
Good days and bad. The other night for me was very bad. I am finding that I am able to pick myself up and brush the dust of sorrow and bewilderment off a little better. As I readjust my patterns of response, it is uncomfortable and strange. But it is right. It is right that my daughters learn to take care of themselves, have consequences for their choices. I am more resolved that they will not live with us. I have been down that road too many times to think that is a solution to the problem. It is not.
Thank you for this post, RN, and for sharing your feelings. It is a hard journey we are all on. I must tell you, that your resolve to have your son out of the house, go to rehab- is a good chance for him to be able to pivot. I hope he understands this, and takes this chance to break free from his using drugs, and thinking he can use you.
You are right, RN, it didn't have to be like this, but it is. I feel the same way.
All the years of our girls coming and going did not help them. They just kept coming back home, we would take them in and before we even realized it, we were cycling down with the degradation of their choices. I wish I had found this site much sooner, but things happen as they do for a reason. Maybe it is so, so that I can tell you with all of my heart that I know this way of "helping", allowing them to live at home while they continue down a destructive path, is not helping.
Though it hurts to say "No, you cannot come home." it is the best thing you are doing for your son. We ended up prolonging the problem. Stay strong RN, and firm in your resolve. You are doing the right thing. You are giving your son a chance to start over and get off of the tracks.
This post was two weeks ago, and I am sorry I missed it. I hope you are in a better place and it is a good day for you.
I am glad that you are here posting and sharing your feelings. I thank you so very much, for responding to me in my sorrow. It is helpful to know we are not alone in the ups and downs and sideways of this journey.
I hope today is a better day for you, and your son.
May our children see the light and remember who they are.
(((HUGS)))
leafy
